ha...right now i'm sitting here in the library toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fucking horny for words.....i need some seXXXXXXXXXXXXX...i really do and right now i dont think i can take the pressure....i'm thinking about going in the bathroom, getting off and then going upstairs in time to take my french quiz...how could my baby just leave me on the phone like that last night, whatever....gotta go...i'll holla

I'M TIRED

"funky fresh dressed to impress ready to party"

today was iight..cold...i'm tired a feeling lazy....my uncles coming to live with us tomorrow...for how long, i just dont know....this should really be interesting...i'm tired...i forgot my calculator at school....hmm but guess what i'm taking the sat's tomorrow, so how am i gonna pull that one off....yes i'm bout to have some big fun....we talked about freak dancing in ms. dienno's class...interesting......ha ha ha....molly got red....funny....megan faked like she was innocent.....yea RIGHT.....moving on.....got home.....it was cold......ate......listening to dixie chicks...jeanine's outfit was cute today.......dana's phone called my phone and stayed on the line for like three minutes...whatever....i'm pretty much done......90 on my midterm....WTF?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ON MY FUCKING MATH MIDTERM????????????? HUH????? i had to look at it three times before i could comprehend...so after that i was pretty much done cuz i was blown like.......the wind i guess.......i'm getting tired of people speculating about me and megan.....its blowing me now.....going to go see my baby on monday.....mock trial on sunday...but ooppps guess what, i dont have my case.......lets talk about it....

One Yaself

"time to get paid, blow up like the world trade"....B.I.G.

hmm was he really a prophet......riiiiiiiiiiiight lol

today was hell....and hell is hot...but somehow it was cold outside....i was having constant thoughts of ayesha...dont know why.....got an 86 on my french which is not what i was expecting...dammit....then i got a freakin 91 on my chem which did not raise my grade.....i got a fuckin 91 on my history and thats when i pretty much wanted to know what was really going on with these underachieving grades...i cant take the pressure of the weight of the world on my shoulders....plus everyone is looking at me and expecting me to do big things...like i'm jesus or something and i have to turn this freakin water into wine....lets cut the jokes....

then i'm having a super bad day and i cannot get in touch with my chick for nothing....damn.....i swear, it never fails...everytime i'm bawling crying or something like that and i try to call her or reach her i can never do it...i just end up leaving a fuckin message on her voicemail....wtf....ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yea i'm pretty much starting off the freakin quarter on a bad note and i pretty much need things to get a little better for me....SAT's on saturday and so is gospel choir engagement....might jeopordixe me going to new york, but its not even fun anymore cuz everyone is sicing this new york thing.....whatever, i'm getting tired of shit....i gotta go work on my presidential outlines......i'm such a fuckin procrastinator and i dont know how to manage time for SHIT! i can spend two fuckin hours talking on the phone but i can straight neglect some work...this joint could have been done over that long weekend and i wouldnt have had to deal with it.....SHIT...i thought i was going HOME tomorrow after school....NOOOOOOOO i have to stay for mock trial...then i have to take my black ass on the damn METRO and out in the fuckin COLD.......for two hours...and then go home and factor TRINOMIAL SQUARES!!!!! i dont even know how to do that shit which is another thing that is BLOWING ME!!!!!!!!!!!! oh fuck it....whatever......i'm getting tired.....

HAPPY 3 MONTHS TO MOI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"u scared???....cuz i am"

hmm this weekend was pretty chilled....i truly enjoyed chilling with my little brother...hes too cute...chicken bones and all (inside joke)....

i'm gearing up to go back to school tomorrow and just thinking alot about the future...i think i need to concentrate more on the present but i just cant...i'm thinking about driving and getting a car and all that other stuff....i really want to do my thing and get on the road but i'm so freaking young that its really blowing me....in other news, i need a summer job....me and mommy talked to me about my summer plans....shes offering to sent me to england this summer which would have been super terrific LAST YEAR BUT.....i wanna get a job this summer...if i do go then i pretty much just want to go in august ...that would be cool....plus, she said if my father bought the car for me, then she would pay the insurance and put some money down on it too....thats cool.....i appreciate it....i dont know....i really actually do want to go to london this year so i wouldnt turn down an offer...i had fun the last time and maybe this time i could go see more stuff...theres nothing like being a tourist lol.....plus they have THE BEST SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all i have to say is H&M...and the TOPSHOP!!!!!! yes they have the best shopping....people in london have a different style....its way more sheik and upbeat than american style...everyone looks like clones over here, whereas over there everyone looks like STYLISH clones lol! i'm open to anything for real its just that i'm tryna make $2,000 this summer...its not alot i know, especially for someone of my intellingence and competence, but hey, what can u do when you're 15??????? my age just gives me bragging rights for real....but i guess i'll be in the work force earlier and i have the upperhand to my peers who i'm a year ahead of......yes yes yes yes....lets see....i'll graduate college at 20 and enter graduate school at 21.......SICE IT....damn...i wont even be able to club while i'm in college....fake ID thugz bout to hold it down....lol

hmm my baby is still gone....i talked her till early yesterday morning.....i hope she had fun but damn i missed her LIKE CRAZY....plus i just havent been feeling right today........i couldnt see her on friday...that blew me.....but whatever...u get over it dont u....lol.......maybe i'll get to see her on saturday.....

*smooches*

"debauchery....."

that is the new word for the 2k3

debauchery- extreme indulgence in sensuality.....lalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

mm mm mm

my couple of days home from school have been pretty decent for real...ive been chilling, not having to worry about turning in work or anything...nothing but straight leisure time and i think i like it like that....no deadlines, no assignments due on tuesday...all i have to do is re read the scarlett letter and get a C on her quiz even though i read ch 1-6 like four times....cuz shell ask a dumbazz question like...."what was the expression on roger chillingworth's face at approximately 2:45 in the afternoon in the town square???".....ummm i dont know

just been trying to do me and live my life....thats it....i should be getting ready for sat's and whatnot.....but like the true procrastinator i am i prolly wont crack open those prep books till about friday night, the day before i'm supposed to take them....whatever....i know i should get at least a 700 on my verbal and i need at least a 500 on math....oh shit....whatever

sigh last night it snowed....daddy decided to stay downtown since he cant drive on icy roads too well with his car...this of course gave the the perfect opportunity to have a nice little conversation with my baby...all night long lol...damn hours go just like that when u're having fun cuz we stayed on the phone from 9:30 last night until 5:00 this morning.....sigh.....we had much fun....and then....

one thing led to another....we were talking about alot of differnt things...i'm not too sure what about but i know i had the madd giggles last night....i was just pretty happy yesterday....then we started talking about sex....and the different things we could do....i asked her why she doesnt like others touching her body.....why she doesnt even touch herself.....i was sort of curious and at the same time frustrated...i like people who explore their sexuality to the fullest...and for her to have never pleasured herself, that made me seriously wonder....i'm open to everything....i will concede that i am a freak...and undercover one if u will...and i'm open to plenty of sexual possibilities.....i guess u have to be when u've never had any good sex before...i dont want to limit any experiences...i want to feel anything and everything.....call me queen kama sutra if u'd like....lol...melanie please dont come up to me on tuesday saying "hi queen kama sutra" lol.....

but anyway i asked her about her own sexuality and her reasons for not wanting to be touched....and then we started imagining some very wild things.....i think i might have a fetish for sex in my school.....if i could just sneak her in there...into a stairwell or something lol...we'd have MUCH fun...i think the first fantasy was the stairwell....my leg up on her shoulder...her head in between my legs going for it....trying not to scream too loud while i cum...o lawd....YES.......we talked about the possibility of using a strap while having sex and i told her that i was open to it..oh yes i am....and pretty much it was on from there....we had the BOMB AZZ PHONE SEX!!!!!! i guess thats all i can settle for right now....i barely get to see her or spend time with her.....mm mmm mm....we fantisized having sex in bed...for the first time with the strap.....for some reason i kept cumming over and over again..u think after about three times ure done...but i just kept getting turned on again.....

i think i damn near died and went to heaven when we fantasized about doing it in someones office.....i think thats when my baby got excited because i could hear her on the other end of the phone moaning.....damn....i dont want to think about that right now cuz i'm getting excited....i remember that she wore the strap and worked it in slowly and then started doing her thing...damn.....then she sat on the chair and i started riding her............MY GOODNESS....and then i think she was pretty much done when she turned me around and did it doggystyle.....i almost lost my fucking mind.....and do u know what....she came....yes she did...i think i felt better knowing that she is opening up herself to more sexual possibilities......plus i like to hear her moan lol...makes me feel...important...like i'm doing something to satisfy and please her for a change.......damn.....and it was her first time too...........damn damn damn........

i was walking around today and thinking about her.....every other second i'm thinking about something related to her.......and every other second today i was thinking about early this morning.........and then my stomach does that good jump....and i get those good butterflies.....

a couple of nights ago i wanted to tell her....but i think its better to wait.....i wanted to but the words wouldnt come out...like they were stuck in my throat.....maybe its just not time yet......i think i should give it a little more time....

im gonna miss her...shes going out of town on sunday and i'm kinda dismayed......shell be off somewhere by herself and i'll be at home all by myself.....sigh.....i wish i could just crawl up in her bed and drift off to sleep....and hold her forever.....i want to be sooooooo special to this girl...i want her to put me on that pedastal and say that no one else can touch me....i want her to be protective of me like i'm protective of her.....i want to tell her how much i care about her every second of everyday....i want her to know how much she means to me.....i want to lay in her arms and never get up......and i want to make love to her and i want her to make love to me....i want to be the most special female that shes ever had....i dont want her to compare me to anyone else.... i was her to fall in love with me the way i'm falling in love with her...

damn i wish daria was still on

miscellaneous thought....

me and dana come up with so many sayings its not even funny...."cut the jokes"...."thats when i said"...."all i have to say is"...."what in the heezebuckets"....."yea u havin fun"......"but yea tho"....."Miscellaneous"...."what are u trying to prove"....my personal favorite...."i cant take the pressure"...."bow down"......"whats really going on"...."all we need is a stage!!!!!!!"and so many more....lol.....i give "battle" to dana....that was her creation and boy did she run with it....

today was exams...u know the drill, it was pretty cool...nothing too hard and i just dont feel like talking about it.....tomorrow is the last day and i cant wait....getting my hair done on thursday......

i never knew how jealous i was...but i am.....i dont trust these other chicks...i really dont.....the last thing i would ever do is make a public scene cuz thats just not my style.....but umm pretty much all i have to say is that i dont love them hoes....i have no trust in any other female, especially when it comes to my girl......i get this burning sensation that rushes all throughout my body, from my head to toe, throughout my limbs....i mean folks-this is some intense shit!.....i dont know what it is but its not a good feeling....it's one of those adrenaline rushes....i think its preparing me for a possible altercation.....u never know, i might just have to give some bitch a quick pop in her mouth....hmmmm i dont think anyone thinks i have the capacity to fight....but then again, no one has ever seen me mad......i try to keep it under wraps...i dont think no one wants to see me mad....its not hot.....

what the hell ever.....i got mad...i got over it.....ive never been jealous like this before....i really didnt care about shamikia...although she was a bitch....ayesha and me were like an emotional rollercoaster and in many ways we still are.....sometimes i miss her and sometimes i honestly cant stand the bitch....B and i werent really that close.....till this day i wonder what went wrong with me and calandra...i remember that afternoon when she called me on my phone to tell me about her rape....i cried....i went to her....she never came to me...and we drifted after that....the only person i feel and care deeply about that i used to be involved with is adriane......honestly, i think when we met, we were both inexperienced and we just like the essence of being in a relationship with another female....in each other we found solace from alot of shit....i found a lifetime friend, confidant and buddy....thinking back on it now, i think breaking up was the best thing for us to do...but i can honestly say that i love her now for everything that she is to me.....i appreciate her in every sense more than i did back then when we were together and i was trying to fit her into some mold...adriane will never fit into a mold, but instead she will be unique and different in her own way.....i like that about her...and although i let her go a long time ago...almost two years now, i know that she will make a good girlfriend, wifey, or whatever lol.....shes a good woman and shes going to make someone very HAPPY!!!!!!!! lol

me and danielle were talking about the curent state of the world and how everything is just so fucced up.....i wish we lived in a much simpler time.....like u know, the "wonder years" or something....i would have loved to play ball with kevin...or chill with winnie....but this is 2003...and there are the sadaams and kim jongs and george bush's of the world- TYRANTS in every fuckin sense of the world....typical MEN.....damnit....hillary, where were u when we needed u?????......its sad when u actually sit down and have conversations about how u would like to die.....nuclear warfare? how about small pox??? why not try chemical warfare????? hmmmm or would poisoning the water be better?????? u take ure pick folks...doomsday is soon approaching and i really need to get ready.....i seriously dont like where were heading right now....things are spiraling out of control.....how many more lives will be lost...how much more blood will be shed? how many more will have to die at the hands of the merciless war mongers......SHEESH!!!!!! all i want to do is go to college...please let me graduate mr. kim jong sir please....if u do, i'll take a trip to pyonyang and do your hair (or whats left of that receding hair line) for you sir.....please sir....please dont make us pay for george bush's arrogant ass....sir please....

"whats going on???" marvin gaye

no saying today folks...i'm out of it lol

what in the hell...all i know is that midterms were today...so all i know is that there was absolutely NO and i mean NO grammar on there...so this bitch had me studying shit that i could have used my time for something else...vocab part of the joint made me bust a sweat...i didnt have enough time to finish my essay and it was just a plain big old mess...i'm just not ready for this kind of pressure in my life...chemistry was A JOKE...i cant believe that people were actually bustin sweats over that joint...hmm why is it taking me forever and a day to write this entry...

cuz dana is telling me bout this girl that goes to wake forest and plays for the team...hmm yea its getting really funny because cotelia just wants to be a superstar...anyway ive been chillin for the most part....the weekend was hell stressful...in between not studying...i pretty much just tried my best to stay sane...i printed those pictures from snowball and they looked nice...talked to everyone from kenny to rachel, then on sunday we baptized my little brother. By the way, his birthday is TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEA>.....SICE IT.....GOOOOO MARKE!!!!!! lol....sexy baby lol......i'm just a little concerned that i wont be around much longer to watch him grow up...all i have to say is that i'm going to be 30 when the boy is 15...scary huh...lol...my other brother is going to be 10 on the 29 of january....yea u know how that goes...but i dont understand why they still wont let him stay in the house by himself when i was staying home alone when i was three....i was a good little girl...maybe thats why lol.

so its been bumpy and mad emotional and whatnot....words exchanged between me my girl.....u know how that goes....i just hate to see her in a situation and BELIEVE that she has no way out before even trying....i HATE attitudes like that.....i told her that she pisses me off cuz she doesnt open up...ive just let it ride...its not that i dont care, i just have to realize that things take time and its not even my style to be pressuring people to do things like that......whatever....so yea, there were some harsh feelings between us and i said some things that i shouldnt have said.....on friday, i talked to kenny about the situation and he said that i should talk to someone about it....i talked to rachel and she said that i should talk to someone about it.....so i told her that i was going to tell a certain someone and she pretty much tried to talk me out of it....i guess that kinda forced her to say something...to her mother....and i already kinda knew that her mother wasnt going to believe her...and i think she knew too....but just the fact that she said something gave me a newfound respect for her.....the fact that she even had the courage to say something just made me feel something so deep for her....i cant explain it....i wasnt going to say something just to make her feel bad, or complicate her situation anymore, its just that i care about her so much that i dont think she should have to go through things like that......anyway i called her yesterday and she told me about what her mother said.....her mother said that she put the scars and bruises on her own back.....hmmmm sure like someone just gets bored and starts cutting their back....with a boxcutter of all fucking things....what kind of mother....WHAT THE FUCK ever...i dont want to talk about her mother or ill go off on a tangent....lol......whatever...the point is that she got it off her chest....even if her mother doesnt believe her......

i'm happy where we are.....sometimes when i'm in the heat of the moment i say things that i dont mean...but right now i'm just happy that were taking the time that we need....nothings rushed and i think thats great....3 months on the 20th....i'm not excited....just greatful

gospel choir is going to new york on februrary 15, mock trial season is about to officially begin with those big matches...and of course.....the trip to myrtle beach will be in april.....money for that is due on the 20th of next month....re-registration money will be due in about march.....$250 FOR THOSE RISING SENIORS!!!!!! i'm happy to pay the money lol......AP test money is $80....all i'm tryna do is learn man.......gee fuckin WIZZZZZZZZZ!.....whatever...just as long as i get the credit for that joint and everyone kisses my ass when i get a 4 on it (sorry folks i just cant aim for the sky and get that big 5)....lol...anyway i gotta go and "study/watch tv".....battle of the sexes is coming on tonite....OH WAIT I DO HAVE A QUOTE NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT ....i have several....i leave u with these words of wisdom my friends
"spit in my mouth, c'mon spit in my mouth"-puck
"honey, guess what? i have a mullet"-puck
"NOBODY HAS MY BACK!!!!!" david
"i love you man, youre like my brother"-puck
"who's spazzing out???"-p-diddy
and last but definitely NOT least
"I WANT IT SO BAD I CAN TASTE IT"- mysterious from p-diddy's making of the bad

"my one of a kind self gets stoned everyday like jesus did"

i'm falling off my pedastal fast...and hard....had a test in french today and i didnt even remember it...it was the worst i've ever done and thats all i have to say....i cannot afford to fuck on on that thing....i need to keep my french grade up or else...shit...i guess its cuz i've been lazy this whole quarter...anyway i just dont wanna have a 3.8 as my midterm gpa....thats not gonna cut it cuz i wanna end this year with an average of 3.9.....it looks better....and plus its gonna help out my class rank, especially when i finished off with w 3.64 last year...freshman year was cool i finished witha 3.7...but still...it was freshman year...i should have gotten all A's...lets just cut the jokes...

anyway this week has been stressful, nevertheless i stayed in there for a while....until today when i think i lost in mrs gills class....so much to study...so little motivation and time...lets cut the jokes...my hair was fucked up, my body was tired, and i had to take a bunch of books home...what a mess.

hmm on the relationship front, i just dont know whats going on. either i'm pms'ing or i'm not too happy. i mean its cool but then its not. sometimes i just dont think i can deal with the pressure. ure trying to make someone else happy and yourself happy at the same time. i'm not a patient person. like jay-z said "i hate waitin"...that was in the big pimpin song if u dont recognize it folks...so yea, its just getting ridiculous.....internally i'm like an emotional rollercoaster....sometimes i'm ecstatic, sometimes i'm worried, sometimes i'm HELLA FRUSTRATED, somedays i just dont care...right now i'm confused and unsure...

like i thought about what i said the other day....i said that i thought i was falling in.....yea so i dont know if i was high or if i was being true to myself......i know that i was off a lust rush...but then again i think its something deeper than that...cuz when i'm with her its not lust.....i dislike that "l" word so much....i dont even want to think about it anymore

in general i'm just tired...trying to maintain these grades without cryin....tryna maintain my relationship without breaking....tryna maintain my sanity before kirkin

leave me alone

"got those scooby-doo's"
"you cant light a blun to this, you gotta smoke a j"
"you cant drink 'crist-owl', you gotta drink 'crist-ALL'"

i love jayz...he is da MAN

read the scarlett letter yesterday and lets just cut all the damn jokes...hester prynne wanted to marry and old deformed man...no wonder she had an affair, cuz this chillingworth sounds like a hot mess....i'd get my freak on too....yea but its pretty interesting...i figured i'd read it because pretty much we have northrop tomorrow, for the long period...can someone say "ladies, i just wanna give u a short quiz, just to see if u read, OK??"

shit....hmm i'm feeling mad unproductive but what the heck ever u know... lol...its tough man it really is cuz i got alot of shit to do...i cracked out the sat prep last night and all i wanna know is why am i going to fail my math section...this is where melanie comes in cuz i pretty much need her to go ahead and holla at me about tutoring since she wants to be super smart guru lol...lets just cut the jokes...98 percentile in verbal, 88 percentile in writing and 51 percentile in math...."that shit dont even out" lol

but anyway i'm gonna wash my hair and whatnot and ummm then wash my bathroom and then read ch 26, and get ready for that big quiz tomorrow....should be much fun i think...."now that you know/ holla atcha boy HOV"

"its crazy!!!"

lol i miss my friend shari. i wonder how shes doing in jamaica...lol

man the last week has been filled with much procrastination and boring shit...i told yall i was gonna tell u what happened at the movies so here we go!

iight so basically i dont really remember lol...sike naw, we went to tha movies...we met up at stadium armory and wouldnt u know that the train stopped right in front of where she was sitting...that was cool....so we got on the train and it was pretty darn cool cuz we were just chillin...doing our thing...sitting there and laughing...thats when i feel the most natural with her...is when i'm just chillin and laughing with her...so anyway were sitting there and i notice something in her pocket and what do u know...."blueprint 2: the gift and the curse"....and of course i knew that SOMEONE had done a little christmas shopping...that was great lol...so yea of course i got her something, i pulled out "addicted" by zane cuz alot of people had been telling me what a good book it was...even kenny, the illiterate himself, was sicing the book up. so i knew she would like it

anyway, we were on the train on our way to union station and it was pretty cool. this man was sitting in front of us and he commented on the book....and then he said that we look cute together....and that made me smile, inside and out. we got off the train and walked around union station and just had our together time...it was decent...got something to eat and pretty much chilled then too...then of course we went to go see "drumline"...which was a pretty good movie, besides the fact that we had to sit in the front row because it was so crowded AND i was sitting next to a bunch of little boys who kept kicking me in the leg...sigh..blow me why dont u lol

so anyway yea, we pretty much rush out of the movies because i have to catch that last bus going out of addision road...shit so we get down stairs and the train comes and we ride it to metro center and that was pretty cool....so anyway we get off there and have to wait for the blue line to come...it was like twelve minutes...when ure with a person that u care about, it seems like time is frozen, but at the same time, it goes so quickly...i cant describe it but thats just the way it is. lol...so anyway, stood against a pole and were hugged up on each other....her hands were around me....and it just felt SOOOOOO good to me...damn this girl has GOT ME lol....

we get on the train and she has to leave and i'm all sad...waving to her outside the window and whatnot....lol...so i get to addison road, and because the trains wanted to be super slow that day, i was blown and pretty much i got stranded, so i had to take a cab from the train station to my house, which cost me $10, and boy was i bitter about that...but it was cool cuz i got to spend time with my lady....

the week brought nothing but MADD procratination...as i sit here right now i have only one assignment to show for two weeks of winter vacation...what a mess...shit...so yea i pretty much sweated out my presidential outline and that shit took me 3 1/2 hours...wtf...no comment...thats how long it took me to do lincoln's outline...oh god...anyway imma do some work today no doubt..and next weekend is all about studying for my midterms...especially HISTORY!!!! lol...big dbq's and what not...i just cant take the pressure...

HAPPY NEW YEAR...yea i rang in the new year with my lady lol....then dana called me on the other line talking about "whoooo yea....oweeee! 03! NEW EMANCIPATION! BREAK THE CHAINS OF SLAVERTY!!!" yea i'm sure she can see the light at the end of the tunnel.....so new years was cool....wasnt nothing to really holla about...new year new shit....same ole' thang! lol

so yesterday of course was the best day of the week because i went to my lady's house.....hmm what a get get mission....i had pretty much done my hair....but that walk from my house to the bus stop was an absolute and complete mess! lol...yea so that thing went into a ponytail with the quickness...lol

so i got all the way to her station and waited for the bus...and it was disgusting because there was this nasty couple getting freaky where my bus stop was...and of course i didnt want to rain on their parade

so i get on the bus

"excuse me"
no answer
"excuse me"
no answer again
"excuse me"
"yea i'm listening"
"sir could u tell me when u get to forest road and cheverly ave"
"i go down cheverly avenue"

umm this is obvious u dumass...of course i dont say that
so yea, i pretty much got lost...and i had to call her to come and get me lol....what a mess i'll have to say...so basically, she got me and i took a nice little stroll around her neighborhood...

we got to her house and i went the bathroom, took off my shoes, and stockings (fishnets of course, yea dont sweat me, cuz i KNOW i'm sexy lol)...and the proceeded to get on the bed...we flirted around a lil bit but we knew what we were there to do....damn i can still feel her lips on my neck....oh god i dont wanna think about it right now....anyway i wore a dress and so it was easy and i mean easy access...i was feeling good...i was feeling just right...she worked my dress off...and i think that was the best moment...just to finally reveal my body to her and somehow let her know that it was all hers, to do whatever she wanted with it...mm mm mm...yes...so anyway when she took the dress off all i had on was some black thongs...and i had planned it that way....and of course she got to work immediately...feeling me and touching me and making me feel OOOOOO so good....sometimes i wonder if shes only done it once..cuz shes a pro when it comes to the foreplay....she rubbed me down with victoria's secret pear lotion and her hands feel good....especially when they hit my calf muscle.......ok too much info for YOU GUYS! lol....but anyway her hands just feel so damn good! and i pretty much melted right there

and then....
the phone rings....
its her mothers boyfriend...
i'm pissed...but she keeps doing her thing, and so i have to put a pillow over my head cuz i dont want anyone to hear...
and she hangs up the phone and i start to increase my volume again....and then

"oh shit"
"what???" i said, distraughtly and very horny
"thats my MOTHER"....

WHAT THE FUCK! so all i know is that in 5.6 seconds, my stockings and dress fly back on and my hair is super combed back into a pony tail....i'm just like hmmm how the HELL could THIS happen?????

i mean she already had to persuade her mother to let me come....cuz her mother was having suspicions...oh my shit! lol

dammit. so we didnt get caught! thankyou GOD.....thankyou VERY much....goodness....so after that i was madd at her...for a lil while anyway...i didnt talk to her.....she kept trying to make up with me and i just pushed her away...and i must say that i'm quite impressed with her persistance.....i applaud her for trying to make up....but she gave up after a while and i had my quiet time to myself....but of course i had to bother her again.....mm mm mm...lol....thats MY BABY!

so we made up and she taught me how to play softball and we played some catch....and whatnot...and that was pretty cool....then we just goofed around for a little bit...i got on her back and pressed my heart against it...and she said "i can feel your heart beat"....and we just lay there like that for a few minutes...

then somehow she was laying on the bed and i was playing on the keyboard and i looked down on the back of her neck...and there were a couple of scratches on her neck...she had been telling me that it hurt but i thought its just cuz she strained it or something...i didnt think that anyway inflicted any type of wounds on her....shit.....so i kept asking her what was wrong...and she didnt say anything...and i just held her for a long time...and wondered to myself the kind of pain that she was going through and not trying to let me know...all at the same time i was pissed cuz she wouldnt open up, baffled because she allows this to keep going on, and understanding because i know its hard on her...i wanted her to cry on my shoulder and to open up...and just show me everything, all the emotion, the pain the hurt the sadness...and she was going to cry, but she tried soooooo hard to keep it together....all i wanted was for her to just let go of everything for once and stop putting up the front....thats all i wanted...shit.....

so after we had our sad moment, we got happy again....her mother went downstairs and we proceeded to get a lil more freakier....mm mm mm....all i have to say is....dripping wet.....doo doo doo lol.....my baby sucks ______ (you fill in the blank and NO its not dick) like a PRO.....i think i enjoyed that the most....

we messed around for a few and then her brother came home and that was cool....she got a popsicle out of the freezer and i think i melted before the popsicle did. lol....i mean we had a good ass time....i love spending time with her...........and i HATE having to leave her....sigh but parting is such sweet sorrow and i had to make me departure....lol....

on the way home i was sexually harrassed by two grown men...but hey its ok...i know i look good (when i want to anyway lol)...and that was about it....

i had fun....my baby has my heart and i dont think she knows how much...she told me yesterday that she wasnt supposed to be in this deep yet...it was too early for her to care this much about me....thats my best friend, my baby, my shoulder to cry on, my ear to let me complain in, my harrassee (is that even a word) lol....she not open, or at least as open as she should be....shes working on it....i'm working on my trust issues....but for real, i think i'm pretty much open...yesterday, i wanted to tell her how much i felt about her and the way i was feeling....i'd say her name, stop but the words wouldnt come out...it was all too surreal....i dont want to say anything prematurely tho....i just wanted to let her know how i was feeling and how much shes got me shook....i hate the four letter word...i hate to use it, and know that the other person doesnt feel the same way about me, theyre just saying it....i hate to not have control over the way i'm feeling...but like sherl crow said "every day is a winding road"....and everytime i think about that , i think about that diagram that ms dienno put on the board, attraction, differences, acceptance, and love....i have accepted, and i'm falling in love.....