umm all i need in this life of sin is more spaghetti and a t-shirt that says "i survived hurricane leroy".....i'm not going to harp on that damn thing too long....

ghetto fab hurricanes are the new thing for the 03-04...umm and so are crackheads flying down amber's street ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!

i sent out a group e-mail to all my ND thugs...i got a couple back lol....here's one that made me chuckle.....

good luck with your college stuff, getting in to ND and what not. So you wanna hear from us. I hate school. I just want to sleep and work on my cars. its only sept. and i already have so much crap to do for college and school and this and that and yatanat. but o well, u only live once. we ran out of popcicles the other day. boy am i pist. O well. love ya Yvonne
George(Memphis)Smith

i'm pist too....holler!

iight...folks let's talk about hurricane isabel/fred/eddie....ooops i have a feeling that my power might decided to go out on me as soon as i want to publish this entry...o, what luck i have!

so yesterday, while we pushed out the first lines of a new song in gospel choir (which is gonna be off da DAMN hook this year), someone gets a text message saying that school is out for PG county school thursday and friday...and that's when i silently danced and beat my feet in my head....hmmm..."CLEARLY!".....and it was pretty much over from there....

i basically cleaned out my locker and then proceeded to wonder why i'm growing grooves in my shoulders and suffering from mad chronic BACK pain...shit....anyway....i was straight impatient and couldn't wait for megan to do whatever she was doing, so um i got a ride to PG plaza station from kady.....which really defeated the purpose of saving money...seriously during rush hour from PG to addison road is umerah about 3.25....plus the 35 cents for transfer....sigh one day i'll have a hoopdie to call my own.....i can put some nice 12's on her busted ass too....but until that day when i can sit my ass cheecks on that outdated cracking leather interior, i'll bide my time on public transpo....shit.....

yesterday was actually nice...bright and madd sunny outside....but this morning i woke up...it was breezy outside but really, nothing more.....mommy called first...talking about driving over here to come get me.....umerah NO....sorry, but i don't wanna be holed up in that apartment with ten black mofo's waiting for the messiah....no thankyou i said and proceeded to go back to sleep...or at least i tried to....at seven daddy called and said i had to buy groceries...so now i gotta holla at shopper's food warehouse and buy ten loaves of bread and umerah six gallons of water....tha fuck? got in that joint, you woulda thought it was the second coming of jesus/y2k.....dumbasses...and my ass is dumb right along with them cuz i racked up on noodles like that would REALLY do me any good if the power went out....i'm a genius sometimes....i really wanna tell u that lol....

but i wasn't done there....had to hit up the dollar store for some candles....most people were waiting there for some D batteries....pretty much wasn't about to get shanked for all that so i hit up the candle aisles....hollered at the smelly candles that don't really smell cuz they're from the damn dollar store....and then i got me one of those automatic lighter thingies....paid and got the fuck outta there.....so my ass is walking down marlboro pike with a bunch of groceries and some candles....umm wow...

got home....wandered onto the world wide web and downloaded the erykah badu joint..."danger...block on lock"...........STOP PLAYING WITH MY LIFE....this is pretty much the tightest song i've heard in a long time...i'm spent...so damn spent! LMAO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO............it's been on repeat ALL damn day long....

proceeded to take a nap....it would have been ok had everyone i known decided NOT to call....bastards.....

i guess i'm just going to have to chill during my lovely four day weekend....hurricane fred/leroy is not that serious...at all.....damn people panicking for no damn reason.....

mrs. west EMAILED ME! UGH...and it was really more than one paragraph....does she really have a husband...i know he has suffered for two decades too long....poor guy...his wife wears purple eyeshadow and is a bamma.....i feel for the old man....if she's not married then she definitely has a bunch of cats.....yes, many cats.......

anyway hollereth at me lata...i'm out....i've really been typing this with no damn glasses on....cant see SHIT!

listening to "faded pictures" by Case and Joe...wondering why i smell like fried chicken....damn i'm nasty...

stress is my new middle name...for real....it's gotten so bad that i have this constant headeache....this throbbing on the right side of my head, concentrated in my cheeck area...yea i know i'm weird but whatever lol..

school is like a rollercoaster...some days are really better than others, but there hasn't really been a consistently good period....grades are ok....it's really only been the second week and things are semi-shaping up....got a 90 on the governement summer work so i'm not really sweating that....it's just mad hectic trying to get everything together....

today i've pulled out the applications and started working on them...oops thought i was gonna apply to northwestern, but when they want more than one essay, that's when Yvonne decided that she just wasn't that pressed to go there...let's cut the jokes...

i really think that nothing is going to be right unless i make peace with people...seriously....i've been taking a look at my past and just analyzing my relationships with people....i need to get everything off my chest before i burst....thinking about people just adds to the stress, and at this point, that's the last thing that i need...

so anyway, lets pretty much talk about krystin...

i cut her off...after august sixteenth, things just went down the drain...i let them go that way....she called, i wouldn't return calls....or i'd look at the caller id and just not pick up...didn't write...no communication at all....eventually dana said some things to her that ticked her off to a point...and i thought that was it right there...

i'm really good at pushing people away....i think subconsciously, i don't think i'm good enough to have a good friend....and i think that i don't believe a friendship after a relationship was made to work....i don't like feelings being added into the mix of a friendship..it just makes things so complicated like avril would say dammit...

so anyway, since i was sick this week, a took thursday off....i just sat in my bed thinking about all the bull shit that i put this girl through....pulled out pics, letters, all the memories...and this feeling just arose in my heart...i remembered all the laughter and randomness....and wondered why i had the guts to try and throw it away.....what the hell was the point?

so i wrote her a note telling her sorry...she called me last night, and now i feel better that that situation is moving forward tentatively again...i cant lie...i missed her lol....

in other news....my father's tripping off the whole gay situation...SIGH! and now my mother's all holier than thou, so she's starting to take his side...and this is when i am SO spent! for real, i'm done...and i can't take the pressure...up against all odds....it's too much for me...really it is....but i think i can do it....

now he says that "we'll talk"....mmk...we'll talk

this man started tripping last night when me and kadie came to my house to do this project for government...he was getting pissy...he didn't want her in his house....at that point i didn't give a fuck because pretty much i had to do that project and the library wasn't an option...

he just pissed me off to the max....seriously....so i'm done with that...

in other news...i'm tryna make it up to wellesly on oct 10 and 20 for an overnight visit....hopefully my parents can get together and make it happen...

one last thing...i've just been thinking about someone a little more than i should lately....don't wanna mess a up a friendship....i would never want to do that...but she has potential in every way, i just don't think she knows that....but it probably would never work out....anyway, i'll holler at u folks later...

pieces

God is good, but my dell computer is not...

amen that blogger has finally gotten its act together...cuz it's been bugging out on my computer for real...

hey how do u guys like the whole peptol bismol theme....i thought u'd like it! and hey, even if u don't, do i really care?

life's been a bore....stressful bore....papers, expectations, make-ups to break-ups (not me! lol)

"me myself and i, that's all i've got in the end...that's what i found out...and there aint no need to cry, i took a vow that from now on, imma be my own best friend..."

truer words were never spoken...ok truer words have probably been spoken, but i'm a fool for life....what can i say...

iight let's get down to business....seriously i don't really remember every little bit and piece since i've last left u....

the past week has been shaky...getting adjusted to school is different...especially since this is that infamous senior year and i'm madd stressing about everything....dammit i've never considered myself a perfectionist, but this year i'm detecting some unhealthy ass overdrive to be the best in everything...if i'm not the best then i get jealous or pissy....and umm that's not what healty competition is really about....i procrastinated on just about everything...well i procrastinated on pretty much all of my summer work and what a mess, especially my darn government essay...first of all i got a sixty five on my precis because i didn't follow damn directions...can i just say "lets cut the jokes".....

after receiving that heart breaking grade, i thought it would only be right if i took me a little visit to the guidance department.....low and behold, Ms. Vanessa Cooke comes to my rescue!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sigh....speaking with her is just so easy...so soothing, especially since she knows me...my situation, including all my personal struggles, my family life....she encourages me....so of course i went in there and broke it down, about the paper and all....of course she went through the routine about telling me not to expect perfection because no one is perfect....yadda yadda yadda....yea, that's real deep stuff lol....

we talked for a while and discussed random issues....and then she asked me a question is still ringing in my ears to this moment...

"are u lonley?"...

huh?

am i?

i never considered it much...i've never really thought about it at all....it's been the furthest thing from my mind...i've just gotten so used to shutting people out at school, and then coming home to an empty house....this is routine and i don't deviat from it...on the weekends i don't go out because i figure no one wants to be bothered....so whatever....sigh...and the more i thought about it, the more i realized that dammit, i am lonely...and i really do need people.....i don't have a life...everything is all about school school school....work work.no play at all...even when i hinted to my father the other day that maybe i haven't had the best social life in high school...he couldn't see it my way...he just figured that of course i'd still be able to go out and maintain my grades; however, my grades would be merely good, not excellent....sigh....so much for that....

so now i see ms. cooke as gospel choir moderator/diva.....AND my therapist....never thought i'd be wacked out by sixteen....dammit i got some issues...

due to content, we'll edit friday....(nosy motha fuckaz)

anika called me friday night and wanted to know if i could go out with her...she's in college in pittsburgh right now and she came down for her sister's baby shower....the weekend would be the perfect opportunity to see each other so i jumped on it....i was still a little antsy though because we're friends through dana...i thought that with the third person missing from our trio, the time would be bland and dry...but we made the best of it...

after i got my hair done, i met her at pg plaza, and we chilled for the little time that we could....hit up Karibu for my unsucessful search for my damn shoes....dammit i cant find those samba's ANY DAMN WHERE!....anyway the bookstore was jumping....we saw Zane who was there for a book signing....umerah....anika's favorite book is defnintely PIMPNOSIS!

she got pimp potential...she might could be one lol....

why does Karibu have a section dedicated to street life? i mean if u go in Walden's Books, they have sections dedicated to shit like "horticulture" and "Young Adults"....but no...Karibu, the black bookstore has a section dedicated to 'street life"....now yall know i aint EVEN hating lol....cuz umm i bought "a hustler's wife" out of that section...i let anika borrow it tho...

i think dana's having big fun at bucknell...she's doing her thing and whatnot...she and crystal are no longer....aint that a bitch...i know i know...i cried too lol....

as for right now, i'm ok...less stress...i'm more tired than anything else...my body feels like shutting down and i want a nap something terrible....so u know what i'll do folks....i'll go night night, cuz it's getting really serious...i gotta rest up anyway cuz um that Just World Project it pretty much due thursday and i know i'mma be up on wednesday night tearing my hair out over it.....mr. mccluskey is tight...i love social justice....

HOLLER!

hmm...now that my template is all pepto-bismoled out...i guess i can get on with my life...blogger is acting weird...madly funny....first few days of school been hectic due to my procrastination...i cant take the pressure...no sleep....i can see many more sleepless nights ahead...this is the life that i'm living....tryna start shit out on the right foot tho....

right now i'm listening to Lauryn Hill, Unplugged 2.0...."adam lives in theory"....love it...

hollerth