"when we had our first kiss...it happend on a thursday...oooo it set my soul on fire...."

Yvonne<< wanting someone to set her soul on fire....HOT!..."HEARTBURN!!!"

today was just another typical day spent lounging and THINKING about all the work i have instead of DOING it...i finally got around to cleaning my bathroom....i despise cleaning it so much because i let all the soap scum fester for about five weeks...i'm sure if i cleaned it every 1 or 2 weeks, i wouldn't have that problem, and cleaning the bathroom wouldn't be such a damn hassle...but then again i'm LAZY when it comes to those things, and plus i'm not germaphobic...at least when i can't see it...anyway i decided to wash my shower curtain that i've had for damn near five years (i know, ick)....the outside part came out fine....cuz it's made of fabric...but the cheap plastic part ripped up in the washing machine...oh the life i live....so tonite i had to take a shower with the fabric part...

random note<
so i'm going out with my crew tomorrow and then i'm ACTUALLY going out with peter, if everything goes as planned..we shall see, because peter and i ALWAYS make plans...dammit we've been making plans since july since we got back from notre dame...and here it is almost 2004 and we haven't seen each other in six months....it's really getting serious...

i wanna ring in the new year with dana and anika tho...cuz they're so damn gangsta....i want us to make our own party...

hmm don't feel like writing anymore...i'll catch YOU on the damn flipside! kisses...maybe i'll see you next year....

alicia keyes album is truly hitting the second time around...it just so happened that today, while i played solitaire on the table in the den, i let the entire CD play....not bad...i give it three out of four stars...(only floetry, lauryn hill, dixie chicks, and jay-z have ever gotten the fourth)...

the hot chocolate scorched my tongue...and u know i'm super bored when i write ten entries for your ass...sigh sigh sigh sigh...

random...why are the tightest songs on AK's cds the damn interludes???? she has this one interlude on there that's made for some serious love-making...but of course i wouldn't know a damn thing about that...womp womp...am i getting bitter...

haven't been to a high school basketball game this season...my reality is narrow...i'm not doing much of anything these days, but i don't regret staying home and being a hermit...maybe i'll blossom later...'sides, it's winter, and it's never that serious...

umerah, megan wants to make big plans with TWO countem two people on wednesday....ummm there's only one word...SLOAR!!!!....womp womp for your ass....

miss my mommy...need a hug and some money...she'd give me both and leave me with a smile on my face...

tired..think i'll retire and write poetry upstairs...this freewrite stuff is off the damn hook!

smiles

"i remember when i would sit at home alone, waiting for you till three o'clock in the morn', night after night, knowing something's going on..."

random poetry moments last night...

why the hell is pheline.com shut down temporarily...i felt like going on a diary reading binge last night....sigh....

i'm in desperate need of a livejournal...they're so damn cute...and so am i...it's a perfect match i tell ya...sigh...

x-mas break is slowly slipping away and i need to face the reality that i have MADD work to do...work in every class, i was kidding with megan today....well i have work in every class except concert choir...but then again, dr. v might come back and tell us to write out the school song lyrics for a quiz grade...oh shit, the new york money is due next week...i GUESS i neglected to tell my father that...sigh oh well....

i don't really want to go to new york, but what the hell, i haven't been there in such a long time....a few years, i don't exactly remember when...i think the last time was when we had the forty days for aunty alice...sigh...that was freshman year...so i think i'm way past overdue....BIG SIGH..

don't know what to make of my life right now, so stay tuned...HOLLER!

moments, so fleeting, summer breezes hardly felt against burnt cheeks
blazing heat of sun scorched days to be recalled during winters respite
moments, so fleeting
first kisses, stolen under apple trees in the backyard while birds sang slowly and sun set
voices of the dead to be recalled during the night's respite...
moments, so fleeting
good times, party now, life's a thrill....remember that time when...it felt good...
now, rock in your chair and be comforted by the silence which remains constant
contrary to moments, so fleeting
let the good times roll, lost in eras of good feelings over and over again...
don't even remember the last one, but ready for the next...enjoy it now
savor the moment...it's delicious...like lips...like apples....like rushes from thrills
enjoy the colors...so vivid...so wild...
enjoy
life
now

i put on my boots...galoshes...and head out into the rain
such days are made for radiant shades of chocolate to replace the sun's light
it's cold, dead winter, and the water beats the earth now, grinding dirt into mud
the uneven beat of liquid intensifying...with the undertones of an even drum
your feet pounding steadily against concrete,
discreet in gray and black, with hooded face, eyes down, but you see me
i stand there, eyes at sky and rain now drowns me, no longer making mud, but making tears
you're closer, closer, close, ooooo breath draws near...shuddering from sudden warmth
clasp my arms...eyes down, the energy of you is felt...yet you're a phantom
woman i once knew, gone...you've assimilated into the gray background
you're no longer here...
the warmth comes from me
look into my eyes, you wont
it hurts...
you've set me free...

wooooo my heart is palpitating...we've crossed the line


WHAT A BREAK! now i know why we go to school....to keep our asses out of trouble during the day....cuz lawd knows what kinda shit i done got myself into

have yourself a merry little christmas?

um i think not...

it has come and gone...the holiday that most love...but i especially despise...CHRISTMAS IS GONE...and i don't have to deal with it for another 366 days (remember...leap year!)...

it's funny because just this morning i was trying to remember what i did last christmas, and u know what? i really can't remember.....christmas is supposed to be that time of the year that u look forward to ....a refuge and retreat from the hustle and bustle of hectically paced living...a time to settle down and chill with the family...reminisce with old friends, and feel warm and fuzzy...instead it's nothing more than a frenzy free for all to see who can buy the best toy, who can outwit who in the parking lot of the overcrowded mall, and who can spend the most money in the shortest amount of time......it disgusts me....i guess christmas makes me bitter because i've never celebrated it like everyone else i know has.....i have no christmas tradition.....no santa...no stockings.....no sitting under the tree and opening presents.... ba humbug

life's been sorta just going along and sometimes i feel like it's passing me by.....i feel sorta frozen in time, like everyone else around me is progressing but i'm still stuck in some random inexplicable state of mind....like i'm in a daze that i come out of from time to time and see that everything around me has changed.....kinda like rip van winkles....krystin has a new girl...interesting stuff...i used to know a girl named crystal....wink wink, nudge nugde lol....sike naw

so much work to do for school that i don't even want to think about it...tests and quizzes out my ass...it's just too much to keep up with, it's ridiculous....this isn't a break, this is slave labor...dammit...

megan invited me to a party on new years eve...actually her "friend" cherise or whatever the girls name is having a party....megan thinks i'm stupid...she said she didn't really think she wanted to go....yet she invites me....like me agreeing to go with her is a mandate for her going.....she wants to go, she just knows that if i'm not there, i'll get really pissy...

which i will...i wont deny that lol...that's just the way i work....but anyway i guess if the offer is still extended then i'll accept, but i just don't want any drama...besides, it's a good chance for me to see if i control my catty side....u know, i must size her up and of course she'll be doing the same thing...i have what she wants...it's only natural......huzzy...

I DONt WANNA go back to school.....they cant MAKE ME!!!!!....why is it taking so long for the first semester to roll by...this is ridiculous....sigh...

anyway dana and anika want me to go out tomorrow but i think i'll sit this one out, besides i like chillin in my bed and I hate waiting for them...plus i'll just be spending more money that i don't have....i need to chill on the crucial cash dropping like i'm rich or something....

as of late, i'm in desperate need of a good love-making session.......its a combination of horniness and then it's that need to feel that warmth and passion.....i just feel so dormant...like there's something in my body that hasn't been ignited yet...and i'm waiting for my girl to do it....we just never get the opportunity to do anything like that....that's the only problem....sigh....it's nine twenty one and i'm feeling droopy eyed....

merry crimmus e'ryone

"what more can i say...."

dammit...what a day...

so it's come down to this folks...60 pages of government OR a ten point outline for mrs. emshwiller's class....i really don't know...but i do know that something has to get done tonite and i need to get on the ball....lets talk about how i dont have any money to get home....maybe megan will give me a ride to station but i dont blame her if she doesn't...

i've been acting really weird as of friday when i was just put in a trance by a certain person whose initals are LM....interesting...oh so very interesting....how do i go from not talking to a person because they greatly dislike me...to feenin for them...i don't even know how it happened...we just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and the sex fairy sprinkled that good ass dust on us....there was mad flirtin going on at snowball (oh yea my outfit was all that and then somemore!).....so anyway there was mad flirting going on at snowball..and then she and i revisited the idea that she, megan, and i should do the threesome thing....well when we first mentioned it, it was a joke....but now, it seems more serious....and i'm asking myself, "do i really want this?" cuz i'm not too sure right now what i want to do?

so anyway, being the person that i am, (a leo who doesnt have a conscience but then again has a conscience).....i had to tell megan the next day...BUT UMERAH guess what? she told me that she and laurice had kissed only a month before...and mind you, we were back together by then...wtf? total confusion in my life!....so of course she was sorry for what she had done, but the thing about it was that i couldn't even be hurt, because i have no business flirting with laurice anyway....FOR REAL! she's just so
damned tempting and i cant take the pressure...

maybe it's cuz i'm horny and it's the middle of the month....i just need to clear my mind....i want to feel sorry for what i'm doing but that selfish part of me is coming up again....i would never trade some random good ass sex for megan, but right now my hormones are taking over my body, and my mind...so it's like every time i see laurice in the hallway, i get this feeling down there....u know where....that little tingle...

i told megan it's like on TV when u have the little devil sitting on your shoulder...and then the angel on the other...one is telling you to do bad and the other is telling you that you should do good....sin, renounce sin...it's just to much for me

sigh, i just need peace of mind right now....i wish saturday could never happen...

cuz now devonne is mad, megan is pissed....i feel a laurice and devonne episode coming on, and i'm treating megan like shit all because i cant control myself...

sigh...

in other good news, i got into notre dame...yay me

washington and lee is inviting me to go down there for a weekend

umerah what else....all in all i'm just really tired and i want to go to bed....

missing megan even though she's here...just want to be normal agian...no hormones allowed

love always