"they say watch what u ask for cuz u might receive....but if u ask me tomorrow, i'll say the same thing...." India Arie "Ready for Love"

yea today was the same old snow day....u know, alot of food, and then some more food...walking around my house with my underwear on and eatin ice cream while i'm watching battle of the sexes and old true lifes on MTV....this is my life people.....

called ayesha....talked for like three hours......just needed a lil company since i figure i cant call my girl cuz her bitch ass mother will pick up the phone...and then she never picks up her cell phone during the day....i wasnt trying to go deal with that bullshit so i called the A to holla at her for a while...

course we went on a downward spiral....now i know why i cant deal with the girl....she aint all that really....just someone to deal with at the moment...

sigh anyway i didnt do anything today....i just need to get away for a while and be me.....u know, like a vacation or something...no one to answer to and no one to deal with...i dont wanna hear anything...i just wanna do what i want for a little while.....

i wanna be on a lil island and sip fruity drinks all day....with some sexy island doms in black wife beaters serving me glasses with cold concoctions in them...and they gotta have the umbrella straw and shit lol......massages and warm hands.......bronzed hunnies sitting on the beach like in the snoop dog video....DID I TELL YALL THAT HE LOOKS SO FUCKABLE IN THAT VIDEO!!!!!! sorry, its the bisexual side coming out again...i cant help it.....its just that he always looks disgusting but i think he looks so hot....its the brazlian thug coming out in him....i cant blame him...i feel it so much....

i'm bored....lol

why was i making a list of my perfect person today....

attitude: da brat
soul: mary j. blige
hips and ass: trina
lips: beyonce
voice: Keisha from total (WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO COME OUT WITH A NEW JOINT!)
aura: india arie
stomach: i think this one goes to da brat
funkiness: missy
hands: jay-z....love his manicure
thinks like: NAS
moves like: Shakira
IN LOVE WITH: mariah
makes love like: R. Kelly
smile: EVE
smell: from tommy, to CK, to Candie, to love spell...ANYTHING GOOD
chews: winterfresh
affilition: VERSATILE!!!! i love a person who can switch it up
personality: ANGELA
hair: ANGELA
athleticism: ANGELA (see a pattern here???)
intelligence: Maya Angelou/ Toni Morrison
different: like Me'shell N'degeocello
style: ANGELE (yea i'm still stuck...sorry, u know i stalk this chick lol)
can deal with: my bickering and my emotional problems
doesnt have a problem with: my flirting
can handle: my personality
can: love me like no one else
can keep: my attention, my trust
can fuck: like a pro! lol
likes to: do what i like to do
knows when to: back off and come on

is this shit getting long....? stay with me folks

is always: deep and philisophical
knows how: to treat her woman and give her what she wants when she wants
showers me: with attention, love, gifts, music, anything she has to offer
kisses me: for no reason
loves me: with all her heart and knows how to show it....

never gonna find all them things so imma stop RIGHT ABOUT NOW lol...yea its getting really funny...i love it! anyway i gotta go

"strenght courage and wisdom"....gotta cop that acoustic soul joint...india arie was robbed last year at the grammys and thats word to my mother son....

"you called yesterday to basically say that you care for me but that youre just not in love....immediately i pretended to be feeling similarly and led you to believe it was ok to just walk away from the one thing that's unyeilding and sacred to me...well i gues i'm tryna be nonchalant about it and i'm going to extremes to prove i'm fine without you, but in reality i'm slowly losing my mind...underneath the guise of a smile gradually i'm dying inside...friends ask me how i feel and lie convincingly cuz i dont want to reveal the fact that i'm suffering....so i wear my disguise till i go home at night and turn out all the lights and then i break down and cry....so what do u do when somebody youre so devoted to suddenly stops loving you and it seems they havent got a clue....of the pain that rejection is putting you through...do u cling to your pride and sing "i will survive"???...do u lash out and say "how dare u leave the way???"...do u hold on in pain as they just slip away????" Mariah Carey, 'Breakdown'

that is one of my favorite mariah carey songs of all time and the thing is that......i have clung to that song more than one time when someone has done some shitty stuff to me.........it hurts when u put so much into a relationship, only to find out that the other person doesnt give a fuck...or theyre simply not in love with u like ure in love with them.......lets see......

anyway, ive been chilling for real....just really bored, u know how that goes.....sitting at home cuz we have a snow day and i'm pretty much happy on that tip tho!!!!!! yesterday was really bad.......failed a test, didnt get my room assignment...my girl blowing me...ayesha calling me....yea things were getting really funny.....goodnight

all i know is that i come downstairs to get on the internet, and then all of a sudden my phone rings....i'm like "who the fuck is this?".....ayesha......sigh...what does this girl want...."u dont call me anymore..."....."we dont fight anymore...and i was just thinking that..."

thinking what?

"how are u and your girl doing?".....

me-->"were doing fine...we have our ups and downs but u know thats how it goes sometimes"
her-->"well me and my girl arent doing so well...."
me-->"oh..sorry to hear that"
her-->"i miss u...u never call me anymore"
me-->rolling my eyes and smiling

when her ass was wrapped around nikkis lil finger, she wasnt talking that shit....cuz i was wrapped around ayesha lil finger....and now she wants to come back, because she's not getting the love she needs from the one person who she thought loved her.....what is she trying to prove???? someone let me know cuz i surely dont....RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! goodnight

sigh....its just getting really funny and i cant take the pressure...

her-->"will your girl get mad if i came to see you?"
me-->"i dont know. she prolly wont cuz she's not jealous, but i dont know"
her-->"lets call her and find out"
me-->"thats rude. why would i want to call her with u on the phone....i wouldnt want her to do that to me, cuz she knows shell be getting the major hangup"

is she smoking???

....later on

her-->"tell me what's on your mind"
me-->"nothing, really, just sitting here on the couch under my blanket and thinking"
her-->"let me ask you something"
me-->"yea go ahead"
her-->"u still have feelings for me?"
am i supposed to answer that?
me-->"ummm why u wanna know?"
her-->"cuz i just do. answer me."
me-->"well i think about u from time to time...i remember the times that we had, but i remember all the shitty stuff u did to me, and i just dont know....i guess theres still a little something there, but i mean that goes for everyone ive been with...its always going to be there, but its not really enough to rebuild a relationship on"
her-->"oh"
me-->"u miss me?"
her-->"yea all the time...but u never call me, ure so busy with whats her name"
me-->"yea i'm busy, but its nice to know u miss what u cant have...i used to have that feeling all the time about u"
her-->"oh"

so within this period, my girl called me like four times, and i didnt pick up the phone.....me and ayesha werent really arguing, just sorting out some feelings.....talking.....bickering a little...as we always do.....settling things????....that i dont know......she's always up in the air, so i guess nothing will ever be concrete with her or me......ive moved on and i think its time she do the same...we cant hang on to a year ago, like its today...

sigh

my girl-->"why do u let her get to you"
me-->"she doesnt get to me"

"time makes you bolder, children get older, and i'm getting older too...." Stevie Nicks, "Landslide"

"its the ROC!"

yea i'm just sitting here chillin and doing my thing.....hmmm will there be school tomorrow....i dont know but i kinda hope so and then again i kinda hope not....and thats all i have to say about that...

we got back from our mid winter break last week....and all weve been trying to do is play catch up, yes its getting really serious u know!....so i've been taking mad tests and quizzes and everyday and i dot think i can take this pressure....all i'm trying to hold on to my 3.9 and balance things out and i think that im doing a good job...

i dont think i'm going to the city title game next week....its just not that serious anymore....plus i need a job so i guess that's pretty much out of the question....u know its getting really serious....i'm taking my ass up to six flags and making it happen.....i gotta take the fuckin metro and two buses, yea this is bout to be really funny...

me and my girl havent spent any time together since like january and its pretty much almost march....i pretty much dont see us spending any time together for the next few months.....but i guess thats just cuz i'm a big ass pessimist....u know....i think i'm just horny or something.....we have phone sex like every other night....its addicting yes, but i mean gee, i like it.....i guess its not like the real thing....oh buddy i dont want to think about it right now...

we got out of school early today and all i have to say is that yea, me dana and cynthia got a ride from kady and walked through the mall.....we ate and of course there were a bunch of public school kids there...all i have to say is that i didnt see not ONE bookbag.....anyway....in other news, we got harrassed by the fat rent a cop....yea this is when i say put your baton away sir and gooday.....from u to me......also, spring fashion is really slumming......nothing too original...old navy has already put their flip flops out....????????CONFUSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! let me go outside with some flip flops on right now.....even if it was hot, my feet arent done but thats another story.........

I NEED SOME GOOD SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"now that you know holla at ya boy HOV!!!"

LIKE OHMIGOSH....

do i give a fuck about iraq anymore....how much propaganda do we need.....u muthafuckas still havent convinced me not one but...so fuck all yall

anyway on a better and BRIGHTER note....sike naw....i'm at my mother's house right now just waiting and chilling and trying to do my thug thizzle....

i'm bored and bloated and cramping...and on top of that i'm constipated like all FUCK......i need to go to the doctors cuz i think i''m going to fucking blow for real.....this shits not funny, literally

anyway ive been chilling....i'm so not looking forward to all the work i have to do tomorrow night, its not a game....i have to do a paper and work on my project, i just hope that i get home in time so i can get everything done....its really blowing me....

anyway happy four months to me and mine

u guys i really dont have much to write....i think something is wrong with my colon, and i just dont know what to think....i cant even take a shit without crying out in pain....for real...something is wrong...ure supposed to take a shit everyday....and i take one like every three days.....maybe i should start eating fresh fruits and shit like that....i dont know....

gotta go, ill holla

"its getting late, why u gotta be here....?"

all i know is that yea....i'm trying to plan this mission....get a text message....people wanna get sick and be in the hospital and i'm pretty much scared on that note....goodnight

"i never did mind the little things"

all i know is that, yea i'm having the time of my life...cuz after PG decided that we were out school for the rest of the week, that's when i knew that i loved my life! no mock trial and thats all i have to say...yea i'm calling everyone spazzing out

trying to go out with jeanine tomorrow and have me a time.....much fun, and thats all i have to say.....whew!

1210 on my SAT's....yea i wanna be an underachiever, and get less than a 700 on my verbal???/ what is this??? i'm scared....

4th entry for today:

SIGH...she's sick...

and what about me? i just dont know what i am bob, i just don't know what i am


SIGH

3rd entry for today:
yea....umm lets just say that this one is edited for content.....

2nd entry for today:

WHY IS THERE NO MORE MIAMI SOL?????? WHAT ABOUT SHERI??? WHAT ABOUT #55???? SO MANY QUESTIONS AND NO ANSWERS!!! UGH.....i cant take the pressure!

in other news....

THE 2003 WNBA ALL-STAR GAME WILL BE HELD AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN IN NYC!!!!!!

Yvonne <----scratching her chin....

how the hell am i going to get up there......why is this about to be the get get mission of a lifetime.......I AM GOING!!!!!!! I HAVE TO GO!!!!!!!! all i have to say is Theresa Weatherspoon and that's it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm ready!I'm ready!I'm ready!I'm ready!I'm ready!I'm ready!

"its stupid....they don't wanna give me credit for anything"

i find it hard to believe that the last time i wrote was on friday but whatever...

yea i went to sleep on saturday night and when i woke up, all i know is that we're buried in snow...and i just cant take the pressure...blizzard of 2003? maybe, maybe not...

all i know is that i'm scared because my father can't go to work because the plows just decided that they dont want to come and i'm like, never with us having ourselves a community effort to dig ourselves out to Marlboro Pike....

today was supposed to be the day that we went against largo and im pretty much done on that note.....i really wasnt trying to go back to school anyway, i guess i'm just kind of lazy

dana's found herself a new bun from snipersville va.....shes cute and she likes cats......and all i have to say is "who is kyon?"

this school year is going by quickly but then it's going by slowly....whatever the case may be, i needs me a job for real tho....six flags wanna have a job fair on the same day that mr. blizzard wanted to hit...and that's all i have to say about that one....anyone want some cotton candy???

RIIIIIGHT???!!!!!!!!!!

dont you hate it when people try to console you, but u just feel like being mad....<---side note, sorry lol

but yea weve been holed up in here for like ever and a day and i'm pretty much losing the feeling in my right toe......interesting.....my cold has come and gone, although i thought that i was going to drown in my mucous on sunday night....how wretched?

i called dana yesterday....yea she's having much fun in NW....i just wanna give a shoutout to those "uptown thugs"

obviously people u can see that i have nothing to write a journal entry about....

called megan too.....she wants to be sick and not call me yesterday (sad face icon goes HERE)....hope she gets better...

everyone must discover the joy of country music...........<---another stupid side note

me and jeanine will be going to go see the dixie chicks and you better believe that son...thats word to my mother because they are the best group in the whole world.....

ok i just thought about this....what if the snow plow never comes.......but school starts back again....do i trek everyday to the bus stop and take the long way to school......gosh i hate all bastard SUV's......why cant we have one dammit.......yea i'm bitter cuz we wanna have the infiniti that spins on wet roads....i'm scared...are u?

"i wake up and tear drops, they fall down like rain....i put on that old song we danced to and then...i head off to my job guess not much has changed..." I LOVE RASCAL FLATTS!!! lol

as u can see folks...my mental is not really in tact....hours of searching for mental stimulation on the internet and in other places of my house has caused me to go wild....i think i've eaten one too many hot pockets...but that's up to me to decided....i think i hear my microwave calling me! gtg

"shake that thing ms (fill in your name HERE + HERE)" <---sean paul

hmmm whats really going on though???

i just dont know...this week was really just on a downward slope...every quiz or test i took just wasnt hitting the spot and i'm pretty much done folks....cuz this is when i say that i just cant take the pressure...

i'm sitting here listening to one of my favorite mariah carey songs of all time....."BREAKDOWN"......this is the best breakup song in the world to listen to...it makes so much sense....its like you're hurting inside but at the same time u put on that guise so that no one can see whats really going on in your head.....we all do it sometimes....

hmm the gospel choir trip is pretty much postponed and guess whos mad.........! me....yes i mean its just that we put so much effort into the whole thing and we pretty much arent going anywhere for a while...we sound so good.......i know everyone was pretty much blown...after all that bickering and speculating....its just too much to deal with and bear....whatever.....it was too much, i was saying that i was going to pretty much riot in that joint cuz it was not a game....i was gonna lock Big P in her office and throw the cigarettes away....have the school on code red like.....yea let me cut the jokes before the CIA come knocking on MY door....the next thing u know i'm getting snatched out my house at 1:14 in the morning in my jammies and scarf on my head!

but whatever.....valentines day.....hmmmm balloons and cute gifts....dareese's girl came up to the school with a rack of balloons and a "build a bear" with her voice in it saying "i love you".....AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! lol...simone got flowers......everyone else got candy and whatnot......my baby gave me a card and a stuffed animal that is just so cute that i'm going to cherish it everyday of my life....megan gave me a lil doggy.....i got candy from a lot of people....all in all, i'm not complaining, it just wasnt romantic like i wanted it to be....i kinda guessed because now that i have a girlfriend, that i was going to really be elated and what not on valentines day and that it was going to super special, but right now i dont feel anything out of the ordinary...am i supposed to?.....maybe next year?????

i dont know....i've got alot of work to do this weekend....and its a blower...i have to do that damned project on top of the fact that i have a mock trial match on tuesday against the famed largo....well isnt that wonderful.....i cant take this kind of pressure....i'm kinda gonna be excited when mock trial is over because it is definitely all consuming and doesnt allow time for much else....i have to mold my schedule around it....i dont like missing practices even some of them can be boring and unproductive.....

why do i have this damn song on repeat?

me and my girl are supposedly taking a break and i just cant take the pressure.......actually its not a break....so i dont know why were calling it that........were working out whatever problems i have, together....i dont think its any problems that i have, i just think that i'm picky when it comes to relationships and other people and the most minute things bother me.....whats a good example?????? ok, lets say....misspelled words in a note, or something like that....to someone else who might not even notice that shit, its not a big deal, but me being the educations stickler that i am, i let that stuff get to me....its annoying, almost if i look down on the person because they do things like that....but then its like i'm blowing things out of proportion because shit like that is so unimportant.....whatever....

were chilling and thats all that matters........we talked last night and she pretty much told me about the girls who are gay, who like her...she asked me if i trusted her and i do, but i always have my guard up....its like i know in my heart the type of person she is.....but at the same time, were all people and we all make mistakes and shes not infallible...the strongest most righteous person can fuck up and make a mistake and i dont think that people understand that....thats why i keep my guard up just in case because human beings are funny.....they tell u one thing and they mean another....believe me, i know, i do it all the time....cuz i'm a hypocrite, but that just goes to show that i have flaws and i'm really not perfect.....

ok now that ive talked a whole into your heads i'm going to download more songs friends.........holla!

"for the love of pete!!!!!!!!!!" -Dr. Vadala <-- i love it

if u wanna know whats really good my people then i'll be more than happy to tell u.....i'm at school right now and its lunch time....RIIIIIIIIIIIGHT....i'm happy that i did all of my work last night cuz right now i'm pretty much NOT in the mood.....i've already figured that i'm going down in two of my classes.....and that means that i have to pretty much pick up slack in two other classes so that everything balances out....

i got my new computer last night and windows XP is like that....the only thing that i'm upset about is the fact that it doesnt have aol 8.0 and that takes forever and a day to download so i'm pretty much done off that.....hmm this morning in the car i was pretty much washed out and tired and i just couldnt take the pressure...me dana and toni went to mcdonalds so i was late for school which i'm pretty much not sweating just as long as i dont have a detention......went to abby's class and got our quizzes back....57, hmm does someone want to cut the jokes.....AND THE THING IS THAT I READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i fuckin typed out all of my notes and shit and i got a 57.....so i figured i'd stop trying so hard for a while...that shit worked all last quarter....this quarter i call myself wanting to put some effort into my work.....my quiz grades in her class are as follows.....74,50,57,100.....that evens out to a 70...what a shame....then on top of that ms northrop made june cry during her presentations and whatnot....

oh yea my girl didnt call me last night and i was kinda pissed at that but what the fuck ever.....

me and megan are not on the best of terms right now....shes kinda blowing me for just being her....its the little things...

who said that 50 cent could rap.............last time i checked isnt it really supposed to be 50 cents.....what a mess...."so come give me a hug if u into gettin' rubbed"....ummm ok sir...i'm scared starting NOW.....

yesterday was cool....i went to jeanine's house yesterday and it was pretty cool...we had some ghetto food.....i had a chicken patty that taste like a "big chicken nugget" and some macaroni and cheese....side note: we have got some serious crazos/bo-bo's/06 teddy bears/straight up bamas at elizabeth seton high school and i just wont name any names cuz theyre not ready....

yea i'm tired and pissed that i havent been spending any time with my girl but hey what can i do.....its pretty much blowing me now and i just dont understand....its getting on my nerves and putting me over the edge with her.......i dont even want to see her face sometimes or talk to her....i miss her...i cant be with her and it really blows me....then sometimes it doesnt...oh well some days are better than others....

all i know is that seton got the ass wooping of a lifetime yesterday when they got beat by 50 pts in the game against mcnamara. what a shame...and it was the senior's last home game too.....wow, what to do? what to do?

two quizzes in the next two classes....test on friday in french...outline and ms dienno's work done tonite along with gospel choir.....inclement weather on friday night into saturday morning to go to new york...this is about to be really REALLY FUNNY and i just cant take the pressure....why are there 17 year olds in the c/o 05...and i'll be graduating next year at the age of 16....isnt that a damn SHAME???

iight yall have heard me rant and rave enough....oh yea i just want to say that i'm pretty much done cuz they carried shiseida out on a stretcher....the next half of the day is going to be pretty funny....sigh....HOLLA

hmm so much for a break...

well by fault, i just happened to talk to my girl last night....my brother picked up the phone, and I being in a mad frenzy, just out of the shower, picked it up and heard her voice.....like a dumbass i knew who it was but of course, i had to ask "who is it???"....hearing her voice was surreal, like i was in some sort of trans.....trying to escape shit always makes me dizzy when it catches up to me, and believe me-it does every time...

so she told me to get online, and i did....of course she didnt get on for about another 20 minutes which really pissed me off...but then again i'm not a patient person....so i couldnt deal with it...

sitting here right now, i dont even know what i was pissed off about....i mean i heard the hurt in her voice those two seconds we talked on the phone....and immediately after that i felt that pang in my heart and stomach simultaneously that let me know I needed to stop the madness.....

i can be evil sometimes...and a super silly bitch for no reason...i like hurting people....its some sadistic evil twin part of me that takes over sometimes....i want to see how much people need me....i want to see what i mean to people...and sometimes "i love you's" dont cut it....i wonder if that's what i was feeling yesterday.....i dont know...i'm mad used to having people be jealous over me.....like i am over them...that's like the indirect way of letting each other know wasup-that we care about each other and cant stand losing each other...

with this relationship i think its something totally and completely different because she pretty much is NOT a jealous person...and i think i like that...its just that I am....so when i do blow the most minute things out of proportion...i look stupid because she handles every situation with aplomb....shes so nonchalant....it makes me wonder if i was to be touchy feely with another chick....would she care? could i get away with it?....i push my limits....i "raise the bar".....i always see what i can get away with...i think thats just the little kid mentality coming back....<---if mommy lets me have one cookie then maybe i can have the whole sheet of cookies before dinner--->...

i told her last night for the billionth time that i get bored very easily....i'm an antsy person...i dont like to be held down for too long, or else i feel like i'm missing something out there....i need change...i like change....change keeps you thinking on your feet because you are constantly put in new and sometimes more challenging situations.....becoming sedintary and sticking to one person is something that i never really thought about....for a while anyway....i mean this is serious....me and her.....were not some fleeting shit....here today and gone tomorrow.....its real.....and i'm scared.....i'm not so much scared of the relationship aspect....its like i'm scared of what i'm missing....or what i think i'm missing......meeting new people and getting a feel for them....casual sex.....lol...i'm the only one who doesnt have sexcapade stories to tell on the bus.......its like being in a relationship is almost like being in a time warp.....i'm trapped in this relationship (lets say the relationship is the 80's).....what if i get out and dont know what i'm doing (2010).......i'm walking around with a curl, some leg warmers, and playing with my rubics cube, while everyone else has on their degradable underwear and are driving around in the air.....and i'm like WTF....i'm always on top of my game and i feel like i'm lacking something...hmmm is that really the case...

but then when i weigh the pros and the cons....am i really missing out on so much.....i mean its nothing but a meat market out there u know....its nice to have stability....to not need emotionally all the time.......i'm satisfied....somedays are better than other like i keep saying but just to hear her say "i love you Yvonne...you and only you"....it does something to me that i cant explain...it erases all the doubts and fears and anxieties.....its just us in our little world then...all of her imperfections....my "check no's" on her list.....nothing at all matters.....hmm rachel keeps telling me that i'm scared to settle down....i am.....i keep looking for other things but why should i when i have essentially what I NEED in front of me......

i need a break.......

and thats just it right there....i need like a small little two day break from the whole relationship thing cuz its not working for me right now....i just feel like smacking someone upside their head right now....i'm so confused and i dont know what to think right now....its not even that serious but to me it is....is it just me or am i being a bitch...or just super stupid....i dont know but i'm not in the mood for my girlfriend right now.....

i dont know, i guess it started friday night......everything was cool but then she started to get really uninteresting and boring....i was tired and lawd knows i didnt feel like carrying a conversation...and thats the truth....she says something and i was pretty much done...cuz i felt ignored and pretty much pisssssssed.....

then i call her like ten times yesterday and she doesnt pick up....then when she finally decides to call me....and tell me about her spending the night over some chicks house....yea thats when i was pretty much over the edge and decided to ignore her....thats wonderful.....instead of us making it a blockbuster night shes over some bitches house.......what the fuck ever.........

to top it off she said she was going to call me back and she never did....i slept with the phone by my side like an idiot.....she knows shit like that makes me jealous...and the thing about it is she trys to play shit off like its nonchalant and average....like i shouldnt care.....well i do....and i need someone whos going to be attentive to shit like that...not just play it off.....i need a special kind of attention....not the kind where the person is all up my asshole....i just need an intuitive person......attentive to my needs...and my faults.....she should reassured me right there on the spot.....but no she played the shit off.....

then of course ON ALL DAYS.....here comes ayesha.......feeding off my vulnerability.........we talked about good times.....and of course we bitched and argued at each other....she told me about her girlfriend who strips at the firehouse....and i pretty much shuddered everytime she said that cuz it still pisses me off to think that someone else is with her....that should have been MINE....but we had our problems and our history and what not....melanie, elizabeth i need u to see what this chick looks like and wonder why i still have my relapses sometimes -->her page<--


ANYWAY....i'm just still trying to work my internal problems out.....my girl is not helping...i'm not picking up calls from her this entire weekend cuz i'm tired of her right now and i think that i need a little break....wonderful.........gotta go

"sit down and shaddup"

hmmm my life has been.....boring....sad...happy....i'm not really in a recollective mood at all right now because everything is pretty much a blur, u feel me....

this week has been pretty decent....people's lives turning upside down....it literally started with about 5 hours of phone sex....hmm what a way to start off.....then of course after that i was madddddddd tired....

i won my mock trial match on tuesday and got voted best lawyer.........great....cuz the week after next is largo....lets just cut the jokes please..

my friends are having those mad problems.....dana was sick the entire week....i miss my best buddy....jeanine and her mom are beefing....not to mention our administration wants to talk to her about the gay thing...its played, so let it ride OK.....megan and her mother are beefing...her mother treats her like shit.....i woulda been carried her mother and been like "ure done"...but whatever, were not in the same situation....its just that there comes a point where u cant take shit from anyone and u have to let it ride...seriously....i'm getting REALLY tired of it ......

hmm were dirt poor...so i guess nothing has changed! lol

i'm officially a carryout chicken wing freak and i just cant take the pressure....this week had its highs and its lows but what can u say....thats just the way it goes sometimes....

hmmmm what else? lets go back to this terror alert....the US is pretty much fucked in their minds..bush got everyone believing that war is the last resort...or hes got everyone who cant think for themselves believing that war is the last resort when its really not....half the nations dont even support our ass and everyone is saying....DAMN at least fuckin wait for the weapons inspectors....shit......he's really leading us down the wrong fuckin path....its not a matter of IF its just a matter of WHEN....u scared....cuz I AM.....

GOING TO NYC BABY!!!!!!! gospel choir affiliates bout to do the damn thing and make it happen...do u feel me????? lol....grand central station on the 15th......can u handle it!!!!! "MY SOUL DOTH MAGNIFY THE LORD!!!!!"

but where am i going to get that $20 tho

valentines day on friday....gotta get some cards for my buddies jeanine megan and dana...and get something for daddy....

just sitting here waiting and anticipating....its a SNOWDAY.....

looking for something in my life....dont know what it is....dont know if i'm fulfilled...some days its BLAHH the others its OK...then somedays i'm cool....

so i hope that everyone is chillin and staying cool.....THREE DAY WEEKEND LIKE.......

"u made it a hot line, i made it a hot song"