oh hell no...me and anika are officially

blog battling...

cuz no she did not dedicate an entry to me and megan....EXCUSE ME....

just because ALL of the good shit doesn't make the headlines, doesn't mean that the rest of the newspaper is not filled with it..........

WHO the hell wants to read about the random stuff that we do....i write when i feel like ranting, and most of the time, i feel like ranting about the stuff that bothers me....i guess u do the same thing and i judge your relationship as an outsider, cuz that's all i see....but u do nothing to put the positive out there...

at least i say that i love megan etc.......u just always talk about how katie hurt u, and how katie comes to the house and doesn't talk to you, and how katie does this and that....hell, what am i supposed to think when i'm on the phone with u and dana...and u're at her house, and she got her hands around your throat...at least my girl don't beat me!

LMAO

this is fucking ridiculous...u know i love u anika, but IMMA need u NOT to be writing nothing bout me and megan....keep to yaself...

and change ya ugly blogskin...the shit is ugly....

*Kissing anika on cheek*

peace

o what a day...

actually, what a week.

finished both my psychology and english last night, which was a big relief. as many know, i took the entire day off yesterday to finish (actually to get started on) that shit. but it's all in the past, and i'm looking to the future. 4th quarter is going to be an interesting one, since i can't simply fall off, even though i know i'm going to college. but then again, i have that question in the back of my head...

"what the hell am i working for?"

school is almost done. but it's not. oh such contradictory thoughts. if only i could see the light at the end of the tunnel. here but not here, yet. WHEN the fuck will high school be over? i've been waiting damn near four years and this shit is still dragging on...life just aint fair.

the week was short, and long at the same time.

monday- wack ass senior skip day. whomp whomp. spent that at home with my father who was again, whining, about some bills and the dirt accumulation in his house. fun stuff.

tuesday- school....vaguely remember the happenings of tuesday. just school.

wednesday- mmk. so that day was a late opening, meaning that school didn't start till about ten. this meant that megan and i had some play time. "what u think of that?" we planned to act like we were going to school, but in reality, she picked me up from cheverly station and we rode back to my house. there was significant "play time" as adriane would call it. ice, steps, screams....sigh. good shit. since anika despises me talking about it, i'll leave it all to the imagination.

random sidenote: krystin made a valid point in her blog (she makes many, but i'll harp upon this one)....she noted that anika remarked that she was disgusted about my entry about play time with megan in the car.....but we all read each other's blogs....and since we're all friends, we're interconnected....so we know eventually, one way or the other, we will somehow wind up in each other's entry's....and we'll all end up reading each other's entries....so when we're writing, it's almost like we have to think about the other person's reaction....i don't think that's what the blog is all about though. writing is my only escape. once i start typing, thoughts from my brain flow onto the keyboard. and it's bad, because sometimes my propensity to censor, hinders the 100% rawness of my entries. sigh. i guess what i'm trying to say is, get the fuck over it anika. i still love u anyway.

wed. contd.- after our playtime (which was pretty damn nice, if i might say so myself), we headed back to school. by that time, we'd missed two periods already, and i came in smack dab in the middle of a government, in class essay on the budget. wtf? my brain just cant get a fucking rest, can it? oh well.

i went to gospel choir, for the first time in weeks. it's weird to know that i've been in that choir for the last 4 years. every year, we send the seniors off. this year, it's our turn. i remember looking up to gospel choir members in the c/o '01. they were so proud to be seniors. now we're there, and it feels bittersweet. *tear drop* i'm going to miss it. hmm...waited a while for megan and she picked me up and took me home. love her to death.

thursday- i wrote a note on wednesday, took it to the office, and told them bammas that on thursday i was going to be at UMBC for a college interview. damn fools. i needed that day to do my paper. and it got done. now i'm brushing my shoulders off cuz it was real tiresome. i'm a fucking pimp.

and that leads us to...

friday- march 26, fifty six years ago, Boyle Winston Coker was born to Frederick Benjamin and Zenobia Ekundayo Coker....my father is an african pimp who has lived a long time, and seen many things. i love him. so big ups to my old african thugs all around the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

besides that, i went to school and played major catchup. that's what happens when u miss a total of seven classes in two days. but a girl's gotta do, what she's gotta do. *brushing shoulders off*

it was such a nice day today. seventy five to be exact. spring pimp weather. i fukking love it. so megan and i decided to go out to the park after soft ball practice.

and this is when the drama begins... again.

i was chillin in her car during her practice and i wanted to put her keys some place where i wouldn't lose them. So i opened that little compartment that is usually between the front seats. There were random receipts, change etc. u know, the usual. Then, i see this note. So fuck it, i have no conscience, so i pick it up and read it.

it's dated Jan 23, 2004. ok. like two months ago. i recognize the handwriting immediately. that bitch brittany. oh HERE we fucking GO again. so i'm reading the note, and it's really random at first. it's one of those "im bored but i need to pass the time away so i'm writing to u" notes...fine. everything is cool until i start seeing some funky ass shit.

like "boo"...

ok, i don't get too upset at the boo. i call people boo all the time.

i DONT call people "BABY" all the time...

who the fuck is this bitch calling MY girl "baby,"...and why is megan letting her do it? she says it like three times in this letter, and at the end she end with some corny shit, "your true boo, brittany"

so by this time, i'm not angry. i'm not angry, but hurt. megan lied. i remember that period, two months ago, when i was asking and asking and asking her about the nature of her relationship with brittany. she kept telling me that the little wench was just a really affectionate person. fuck that. megan knew that brittany wanted her, and she shouldn't have denied it. instead, she lead brittany along, because she liked the flirtation and the attention that she was giving to and receiving from this bitch.

"yo, this is some bullshit"- babs, making of the band II

so i chilled in the car for a while, and for about an hour, i sat on the bench and watched them practice batting. then i went back in the car, and waited for practice to end. fine. she gets in the car.

and there's my "moody" silence. she asks me what she's done wrong. of course, i tell her nothing. then i ask her, "alot of things can change within two months? right?"

she doesn't know how to answer. i specify. "people's feelings for each other can change within two months?"

she says yes. she asks me what's wrong again. i don't tell her.

by the time we've parked in the community center park's lot, i've taken out the letter (which i marked up and highlighted)...and asked her about that shit. she kept giving me the excuse, "it was two months ago" or "it was in january"...

fuck that megan. u lied to me in january. u'll probably do it again for all i know. u're probably lying now. who goes through this shit? why cant my relationship be SOLID? why WHY must we go through this like every three days. i'm SO tired with this shit. i wanna take a nap, but i just CANT. it's like this relationship is either on that NO-doze shit, or some serious ass CRACK!

i wander off and go to the swings....she tells me to come here. she wants to spit that same shit to me. the "i'm sorry for 2004 for routine". ruben did it first. it's played.

"damn, i'm sorry"

i'm tired of hearing that. it doesn't have any meaning anymore. i still think she's lying about the nature of her and brittany's relationship back then, but it's two months later right? i should just drop it, right? but then, if someone plays you once, they'll do it again. at least that's what ms. cooke says. forget ms. cooke, that's just a real fact of life.

i'm not innocent. i admit, me and anika exchanged a few kisses over winter break, but there was never an intensity to our relationship. in fact, now we're back to normal, and i think it's implied that we're better off being friends. but other than that, i wasn't calling anika "baby," or "boo"....

sigh. by the time she took me home though, i was hers again, and she was mine. destructive patterns in relationships. i'm a smart bitch falling for some foolish shit. at least that's what i think sometimes. and then i think, "this is proably just a test"....

trust IS the foundation of a relationship, right? trust that i lack, making for a crumbling foundation. sigh. we've got some work to put into our shambles of a relationship. working from the ground-up never hurt nobody. just put some elbow grease into it.

I KNOW I KNOW! but what do u guys want me to do? i just cant stop loving her....*ow, don't slap me upside my head*

mmkk...so i took the day off to write these two papers due tomorrow...let's cut the jokes cuz i'm real tired and i dont really care anymore...

and i got a wuthering heights quiz tomorrow and a religion test....oh whatever...after three o'clock tomorrow imma be looking real haggard...but fuck it...imma need my period to come so i can get this shit over with...geezus....

question: who pimps a 92 civic? MTV does. bastards.

i'm tired. haggard. hungry. the carryout has disappointed me for the last two days. they can do better than they've been doing. oh well. that's what i get for not eating at home. i think i'll have some noodles before i go to bed. wait, never mind, sodium before you sleep aint right. it just aint right.

anyway, i'm gone for tonite. maybe i'll hit u up tomorrow. the weather's going to be nice. 75. that's my shit right there. peace.

i produce ear wax at a phenomenal rate.

today was interesting. not. besides plotting to skip two periods tomorrow morning (it's a late opening too), i'm sitting here pondering about how much work i have to do this week. i have two papers due on friday and i haven't gotten started on either one of them. why, oh why do i fucking procrastinate. i have a psych test tomorrow and i haven't studied for it. in fact, right now, i'm supposed to be writing flash cards and i'm sitting here reading other folk's blogs and writing in my own.

within the last hour, i've become weirdly tired. i think it's because i decided to do this entire chapter's worth of statistics problems (like 30)...and cut the jokes because they were due last hour today, for full credit. minus two for my ass. whomp whomp.

side note: the randomly funny tv moment of the week was when sarah from making of the band wanna complain to diddy cuz all the band members wont stop smoking around her...and diddy just looks at her and says...

"WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP"....i fucking love it...

fourth quarter is here and i keep telling everyone that i have not an ounce of motivation left in my body. oh shit. oh well.

in other news, prom is right around the corner (so is graduation, but there's not half as much talk about that....the logic is fukked up, i know)..."da sixx" is stressing out for real about the whole situation. it's tempting to stress about limos and dresses, and dates and corsages, makeup and hair....the whole nine yards. but when u put the whole thing into perspective, who the hell really cares what your ass wore to prom. you're not even going to be there for two hours....well, that's if you're kadie and want to be fashionably late. so u figure, the latest u can arrive is 9:30. it's over at 11:30, because of course, some of us still have to meet maryland's curfew. sigh. so two hours is all u get. the limo is still expensive. if u get an up-do, u have to take it down within three days to fit on the graduation cap. the 60 dollar makeup job is shot before you call it a night. and the dress, well where the hell are you going to wear a $300 fushia evening ball gown.

perhaps to the grocery store with you gym socks, and house shoes. sigh.

i was really pressed about two weeks ago when dana, anika, and i went looking for dresses. i found one at BCBG for $258. it was my dream dress, yes. but dream on, cuz i don't have the funds. and by the time my parents do chalk up the money, the dress will probably be gone, and will forever be floating around in my dreams. oh well. it's going to be ok. all that matters is that i'm graduating three days later. praise GOD!....but let me not get my panties in a bunch yet. fourth quarter is going to be hard as FUCK!.....but I CAN DO IT....i think....

hmm, i hope that megan is ok. she called me twice in a row, but she kept getting cut off. i dont know if she was able to play in the game or not. she told me she got a D in english. i don't understand why, but then again, i don't understand alot of things that she does. i wish i could pat her on her back and tell her that she gave it her best shot, but she really didn't. and i'm disappointed that she's not working to her full potential. if she was stupid...well if she was stupid i wouldn't be with her.....i'm not saying that she'll be pullin 4.0's anytime soon....but she can do alot better. oh well, it's almost over now, so what is there to do?....sigh. i love her no matter what.

that's all for now. i think i'll go finish my creed and then go to bed.....in bed by nine! i know you fukking love it.

i really, truly don't feel like doing statistics homework right now...i'm not really tired, i just feel like a lazy ass fuck. oh well.

today was senior skip day, so melanie and i decided to go watch eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, the new movie with jim carey and kate winslet. it definitely gets those big two thumbs up. classic romance, but twisted and almost demented if u think about the concept. erasing memories of people? hmmm, the weird thing about it is that someday, science and technology will allow us to do just that. it's funny though, because in the movie, even though the memories were erased, the people eventually found the other person again. it's as if there is some unwritten plan for our lives and no matter how much we try to change things, shit will just happen. sigh.

yesterday, was the final performance with the washington women's chorus at school. i invited my father but he had stuff to do at home. i also invited megan and she she came. i was kinda pissed at first because when i got on stage, she was just laid out in the back like she was at home or something. but then, she straightened up. the concert was nice, and it's NICE to be done worrying about that.

after the concert, megan and i had planned to watch a movie. we headed out to bowie, and she got the tickets. then we went to three brothers and decided to get something to eat.

side note: olive garden aint got shit on three brothers. shout out to my buddy jeanine who does slave labor there 24/7 lol

so anyway, we get the food and my chicken fetuccini alfredo was BANGING! mm mm good!....then we get in the car....

so at that point, i wasn't even on horny mode for real. i was chillin. and then she starts kissing me with this passionate intensity. and basically, that's when i was done. we drove over to the movie parking lot, but we never really made it outside the car.....foggy windows...everything...sigh

people looking from the outside in, could never imagine us together. really, before i knew her, i could never imagine us together...but when i'm with her, she just makes me feel...real...alive....wonderful...we compement each other so well that it's scary....us being together just feels right....there's no other way to explain it....that's why last night it felt so good to lay in her arms... (mind u i'm butterball naked)....and feel her and smell her and just be with her....sigh....

what happened to nine months? lol

anyway, i gotta call krystin cuz her mother's sick....oh, life.

why am i sitting here with this large ass headache....the back of my head is literally pounding.

megan is pissing me off, as usual. this is nothing new. it seems that she just doesn't know her boundaries. maybe because i haven't given her any. or maybe she just likes to do shit to push my buttons. the more she does it, the more i think that's the case.

i get home last night from my concery choir performance with the washington women's chorus (which was spectacular if i might say so myself). i called melanie and talked to her for about 45 minutes. then around eleven thirty or so, when i got comfy in bed, i figured i call megan and talk to her for a few minutes before i drifted off. call her...

phone rings

me: "hello"
her: *groggy voice* "hello"
me: "i'm sorry, did i wake u up. go back to sleep"
her: "no that's ok"
me: "well just go back to sleep and call me tomorrow"

ok...at this point, i'm chillin. i'm cool. i figure i woke her out of her sleep and that was that. i was ready to go to bed anyway.

THEN

her: "let me call u when i get home"

THAT's WHEN my eyes got big

me: "where are u?"
her: fucking silence...

I HATE THIS SHIT! just tell me, and stop being shady about it, cuz whether u tell me or not, imma kirk anyway. not telling me just makes me think that you're trying to hide something!

me: "where are u?"
her: "doesn't it matter that i just love you and want to be with only you?"

save that shit for someone else megan...please.

as tina would say, what's love got to do with it?

WHO DOES THAT? i dont care what she thinks, but that just seems inappropriate to me. it's always me that's over reacting, but i don't do that shit, so she doesn't get the chance to "over react." i don't fall asleep at my pregnant exgirlfriend's house. it's like she's seeking refuge with someone else, when that someone should be me. fuck it, we went out to eat lunch only hours before. and everytime, my mind just keeps going back to that day when her ass left my house, and went over there, and proceeded to damn near fuck this bitch. i'm TIRED of this shit.

so at that point, she was like "imma call u when i get home" and i said "don't bother"...and hung up the phone....she calls me back five minutes later like i'm really trying to hear what she has to say....SIKE....she told me that she was going to call me back....and i waited for her call for a while...but i was done...my brain was racing...i was hurt...i just wanted to go to sleep. so i turned the phone off and slept easy. turned it on this morning and had no messages. i knew if she woulda called back last night, we woulda just fought and i woulda been pissed. i'm too tired for her little shenanigans to be stressing me out.

i'm trying to be tolerant. i didn't say anything when her ass FUCKING CALLED ME FROM THE DOCTORS OFFICE WHILE SHE WAS TAKING THIS PREGNANT BITCH TO GET A CHECKUP!

WHAT THE FUCK?

YES, who is the daddy is this situation? and i can see this shit down the road. megan is going to be playing daddy to this chick's bastard child.

so anyway, i didn't kirk off three weeks ago when she went to the doctor with this chick. by the way, this chicks name is sherice. so anyway, i was cool with the doctor thing. she called me from there, and we were talking for like five minutes...she was spitting that shit like

"i missed you today..."

and blah blah blah...

then she says hold on. and someone is talking to her in the background and she says to them...

"no one"

SO NOW I'M NO ONE....

then she gets back on the phone and tells ME that she's going to have to call me back. WHAT THE FUCK? i should kick sherice in the fucking stomach. who does that? megan doesn't have the fucking balls to say that she's talking to me on the phone. i thought i was her girlfriend, not this pregnant bitch. whose needs does she cater to, mine or this bitch's.

and so yesterday i call her up and she is asleep at this bitch's house at eleven o'clock at night. UMERAH...if i was sleep at some chick's house at damn near twelve in the morning, somebody would surely be kirking on me. she is stressing me out. sometimes i just wanna wring her neck and ask her what she is thinking. if i tell her what i think are the appropriate boundaries, then i feel like i'm telling her what to do. but damn, common sense (which she greatly LACKS), would tell u what is right and what is not right.

my head hurts and i gotta go to target. i'm done.

"everybody in the club getting tipsy"?........


right...i hate that song with a furious passion!

sigh...what a week....life has its ups and downs and this week was no different...work coming out the ass....mock trial victories and defeats..relationship woes....problems in my life and others...the story just never ends.

monday started off well enough. our mock trial team defeated la plata 50-something to 44 and might i add that it was well deserved. as for the school tip, my planner was virtually empty monday morning, and by the end of the day, i had tests and quizzes scheduled for everyday of the week. don't you love it when teachers randomly realize that they don't have enough grades for you by the end of the quarter. so since it was crunch time, everyone had some type of random assignment they wanted to give. others complain...yvonne takes all that shit with a grain of salt. or maybe with a spoonful of sugar to help everything go down without my kirkin of having a major mental breakdown (we all know i'm prone to those).

sigh. and then there was wednesday. the seventh circuit mock trial championship. we were prosecution, going up against high point. i remember the first scrimmage of the season was against them, held at catholic university law center. it was actually pretty nice and although we came out with a narrow victory, mrs. loos kept warning, "they're actually pretty good" and "don't be suprised if we see them in the courthouse one day"...lo and behold....

last year we won the mock trial state championship. pretty good stuff. this year we had the same team, plus or minus a few, but still the same major characters. aisha, melanie, I, rakiya, megan, april, kelli....same old same old...i love my mock trial team. then of course we have ms. askey and mrs. loos, my "drinking buddies" as dana refers to them as. hee hee. so there we are in the big courtroom on the third floor of the courthouse. This time, there were three judges instead of one. Two of the judges had already judged our competitions last year. One of them was our judge in the state finals. Go fucking figure. I wasn't thinking conspiracy. at least not in the beginning.

i knew things weren't going to go our way when i tried to enter the stipulated facts before i called my first witness....here's the thing...when we don't enter stipulated facts, judges get pissy and ask us why we didn't do it. when we do try to enter stipulated facts, opposing counsel objects on the basis that it is a waste of time....okay, so i go on.

they're objections were on point, but i didn't find it necessary for them to quote every rule out of the book. THEN, i knew something was wrong when they wouldn't let melanie impeach the witness! OMG! i was like, who objects to impeachment? i can't take the fucking pressure. anyway, they went back and deliberated for a while. i think the third judge had to take a shit, cuz he didn't come back and give us comments. tis ok with me.

when they gave us the final score, my heart sank. literally, the last four years flashed before my eyes. this year, i always joked around, saying "i want my life back". mock trial takes so much of your time, you'd think that your life IS mock trial. and i think i failed to realize that it was. so, i had to swallow that painful lump in my throat, and not cry in front of the winners. they were loving it ALOT, but it's ok, because i was never cocky with mine. the whole team was never cocky. we knew we were good, but we were never arrogant about it. we shook hands and left the courtroom silently. sigh. when we got to the bottom level, everyone boarded the bus but i just stood there in the lobby alone. i looked around and let all the tears flow. it hurt to say goodbye to something that you've been apart of for so long.

weird enough, i looked to my right which was the state comptrollers office...it was closed, but there was a sign that stated "will be back"....hmm, will i? i don't know.

the next day, there were the pats on the backs and the sympathetic comments....mrs. gill said it was a conspiracy. mrs. loos and nick, our lawyer coach thought that we should have won. sometimes, things just don't work out the way you want them to.

but i had to get back in the swing of things....dealt with school. my english grade is so borderline it can go anyway. i've realized that i will never get a 4.0 at elizabeth seton high school because that's just not my destiny. i cant even be in the top five percent (and i'm pissed about that). this chick named kelly hardy is number six in the class, but she takes TWO MUSICS! WHAT...and they're not even bona fide classes. chorale and concert band. i'm appalled. whereas i'm busting out four AP classes and one honors. this is a travesty! it's a travesty and a bitch!

then my government grade might just be and A-. yes i'm proud of myself, dammit. i guess all that's left now is the 4th quarter. riding this year out is not going to be easy. motivation is graduation and nothing more. my time is done, at least i think it is...but nancy and ginger have other plans for me.

got into emory...got waitlisted for wash. u in st.louis. damn. anyway, i'll holla later.

we won mock trial last night...we're going to the circuit finals....i'm excited...but whatever happens, happens....this is funstuff...sigh...

dont have much to say and i dont have much time to write so i'll keep u posted....peace

mkk, all i know is i'm real mad cuz BCBG website dont wanna have my dress on there...i'm spazzing cuz i dont have the money to buy it right now and when i go back it might not be there....oh god im just really discouraged....i have to pee and do psychology homework and this just isn't working for me....sigh...i'm tired..

i'll hollereth

iight all i know is that i'm just real tired, and i'm on this hustle mission to write my closing...whomp whomp for your ass...and i'm real hungry and i might not get my pizza....mock trial is now fucking with my food...

and for those who know me, i'm NOT nice when i'm hungry...lets cut the jokes...

dont expect another entry till this weekend...my life is in shambles...holla

sigh, what a day....

started off well enough...at least today i wasn't late like yesterday....AND i didn't have to rush to do HOMEWORK in the morning...AND to top things off, it was a dress down day and 1:30 dismissal...it just cant get no better than that dammit...

i was siced cuz the weather man said it was going to be like 77.....yay spring!...i love spring, just cuz it signals the coming of my FAVORITE MONTH!!!! SUMMER!....sigh...anyway, so in the morning it drizzled and was real brisk....it was more like 57 than 77....

i was feeling real fatful during lunch...had a "meatloaf and mashed potatoes" tv dinner....but lets cut the jokes cuz the new thing is

LAYS COOL GUACAMOLE CHIPS....

i bought the second to last packet in the machine...but the last one was just calling my name like "YVOONNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEE....EaT ME!!!!"

so dammit, i broke down finally...I JUST HAD TO!

so anyway...day ends...i fell asleep during the video in anatomy so umerah, that was a mess....

all i know is me and megan to to PG and got something to eat...i was bout to kirk cuz picadilly wanna play games and charge eight dollars for a fish meal, but then have the five dollar sign posted on the wall....riiiiiiight

megan got some pizza...then things fell apart...she started feeling woozy and i was like "what's wrong"...she just walked away...so that made me feel stupid....

i knew she was coming back after her softball practice to pick me up...so i wandered around the mall...tried on clothes with no intention of buying them...that's so ghetto....but oh well...i hope i got my deodorant marks on them and everything so that the person with the money to buy them gets pissed (i'm so bitter)....

then i decided to sit and people watch

wait before i say that....why does every major department store dressing room smell like piss? wtf?

so i sat and people watched and this was truly a time when i saw the nastiest things ive ever seen in my life...

cute neo soul doms with fat white chicks....WTF?? and they were both deaf...i was SO spent...

then we got hairy spanish men who randomly lift their shirts to scratch their stomachs

we have white people who broke out with mini skirts and flip flops...dont EVEN get me started...

really fat bald men...who then TURN OUT TO BE REALLY FAT OLD DOMS...cuz i looked up, then looked again, and i was like "why is that man scratching his breast?"...oh false, as my dearest friend anika would say....ick

so anyway, megan comes back and we're chillin in the car...for the most part we were silent....till we got to the park....then she told me that she didn't really know what was wrong with her....as much as i could try to turn my heart against her and be mad at her for a long time, i cant...she's the only person who i seem to always forgive....

so she broke out the bats, the gloves, and the soft ball and she taught me how to swing and catch...

it was actually really nice outside....it was getting, it was breezy and warm outside.....there was a full moon....sigh....

question, why do i have a mosquito bite in march?

i'm tired...i just had a cinnabun....the rest of this picadilly food...and i'm spent...it's time for biddy bye....

night night...peace...

edited because no one wanted to read it...peace

but i have the sudden urge to take a shit...lets cut the jokes...why am i still at school and i dont have any activities....this is what my life has come to...oh whatever....

maybe i should go home and type

i'm done

what has my life come to...?

more often i'm getting these random pangs of pain...not physical pain...but there's a sadness that accompanies everything that i do...

when she tells me things i can't look her in the eye....i just can't

and now i'm turning into the type of person that i despise...

i feel like i'm being scandalous and hypocritical...

why isn't there a book i can read about sex to make it even better than what it already is?

why do i think too much?

i need a vacation...

peace

ok so all i know is that it's 3:00 on the dot and i'm sitting here in the computer lab with gas out the woodworks...i think it's the butterflies in my stomach that are making me hold my buttcheeks so damn tight together...this is ridiculous...

i haven't memorized my closing and i haven't really practiced my questions with april...oh yea this is bout to be real funny...and ifeel bad cuz my father is coming today too....whomp whomp for my ass....

i'm tired and i'm spent....

i think this layout is too nice for me to be putting nasty things in it....i guess i'll change it when i have a chance...

krystin called me last night and i was going to call her back but i got so caught up in this book that im reading called "krik krak" by this hatian woman named edwidge danticat...it's a collection of short stories about haitian people....pretty darn good...anyway i gotta go and revise some questions and whatnot....OH GOD.....

holler