if i dont walk, or if i dont get to participate in anything, i will shoot myself. and that's word to my mother, son.

four years, and some dirty herpes infested bitch might fuck it up for me. aint that a shame.

megan, u are partly to blame, so stop trying to act innocent.

i work hard to keep it away and the drama just comes to me. what the fuck did yvonne ever do. maybe if i ever do another relationship, ill be with someone who knows how to keep their hands and BODY to themselves.

this is blowing me. i got an english paper to write.

1:19 in the morning and i don't remember the last time i pulled an all nighter....laura called me last night and told me her parents don't want her driving on the beltway...wtf? whose parents allow them to get a license but don't let them drive on the beltway...don't complicate my ride home...geezus!

my head hurts and i have everything written, i just don't feel like typing it out. i'm lazy. maybe i need to get offline. i just want to go to sleep. and my red friend is rapidly on it's way. tha fuck? oh pfft. whatever. prom dress shopping this weekend. A WHAT U THINK OF THAT!


COMIC VIEW!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! talkin bout bootlegging "passion of christ!" LMAO

"u need to get your life together"

nika boo i dont appreciate u EDITING THAT SHIT! can i at least read it.....keeping secrets eh? no one likes that boo.

iight folks....it looks like one of the dresses might be in here....IM me...tell me which ones u think will look best. peace.

dress1

dress2

dress3

dress4

dress5

dress6

dress7

dress8

dress9

dress10

dress11

dress12

umerah, yea i been online for like three hours and i still cant find a decent prom dress...they all look cheap...i cant take the pressure...really i cant! sigh, i'm spent....i came across dana's dress like three times tho lol.

tracks 20 and 21 on kanye west cd, College Dropout, on repeat.

how come i've wanted my prom dress for the last two months, and i still don't have it. odds are, because i waited so long, i wont be getting the one i want. i'm going to have to settle for something lesser, something i DONT want to wear. but megan doesn't even want to go, and her mother takes her to get one. sigh. life is so fucking shitty.

i didn't get any ass last night. i understand it was elizabeth's birthday, but don't tease me in the movies and then rush me home. don't fuck with me at all if i can't have any. it doesn't matter anyway, because i'm tired of fucking in the car anyway. all i wanna do is bust a fucking nut some damn time. shit.

i'm spent. truly. i'm tired of crying. i'm going to sleep.

i'm tired and there's dust in my eye. wonderful combination.

sitting here wondering if i'm really going to finish that statistics packet that is due tomorrow morning, first period. good stuff aint it?

today was ok. at least the first part was great until it ended in complete shambles. there was alot of pressure to finish my psych packet, but i don't think it was worth fifty points. that's the equivalence of two quiz grades. that was too much work for two quiz grades. i had like ten pages front and back of work. aint that a bitch. sigh. but i got it done in long period government. mrs. loos wasnt there. as i soon learned, she left early yesterday, and said she wasn't coming back today. i hope she's ok. that's my drinking buddy, as dana says.

hmm, laura called me last night to ask me if i was going to the softball game. and of course, i said, "what softball game?" megan didn't tell me a damn thing about anything. didn't invite me. didn't ask me if i wanted to come? nothing like that. if laura didn't say anything, i wouldn't have known. for someone who always talks about feeling bad because no one is there to support her, she doesn't actively invite me to see the games. it's not like i'm going to say no. the past two games i've been to, i've either found out the day before or the day of, by people other than her. what's that all about? if she has a game, than i want to go. it's just as simple as that.

anyway, after tanning outside at lunch, my day was drowsy. me and laura headed out to the field after school and got there at a decent time. it was seton v. st. mary ryken, a nice matchup. even though seton lost, it was the best game i'd actually seen them play. they had some nice plays, and even though carolyne was getting tired at the end, she pitched the entire game, and at a point, seton tied it 1-1. so it went into "overtime" or the eighth inning. i'm not a baseball of softball person but i was actually into it today. so things were pleasant.

cept for megan. she said she didn't start in the game on tuesday because she missed so many practices over spring vacation due to the band trip. ok. fair enough. don't come to practice, don't play. there's nothing she could do about it, so i figured she would just suck it up and deal. BUT NO....i got to the field today and noticed that other chick...i think her name is kelsey....i noticed kelsey putting on the catcher's gear, so i figured megan wasn't starting. no big deal right? this isn't the first time she hasn't started, and fuck it, it won't be the last time. besides, i was there to support the team as a whole, as well as her, so i wasn't trippin off it. but megan was.

i think i've been to three or four games. two of those games, she hasn't started in. the first was against carroll, and that was fair enough. it wasn't a good team, and of course they put their weakest players up. SHE WAS STILL PISSY about that shit. wtf? u cant play all the damn time. today she had the sour face the entire game. i mean the ENTIRE fucking game. not even a fucking CLAP for her teammates. i think she's forgetting the fact that the team dont revolve her ass, cuz if so, she'd be out there every game. just on the field sulking like she was three. i'd never seen her act so childish. maybe i'm wrong for chastising her, but it was just from what i observed. maybe the recruiter was there and she didn't get to play. but if he/she wasn't, then she was just acting like a baby. and it sucked for me to rooting HER team on and she was standing there fiddling with her batting glove the entire time. PLEASE. mary catherine STAYS bench riding and her ass be the most excited! plus megan stuck out like a sore thumb cuz her ass was black, and removed from the rest of the team. people in the stands looking at her like "what's wrong?".....and i'm thinking in my head, "yea that's my girlfriend"

so the game ends and she walks by me to her car. i ask "u leaving me?" she doesn't say anything. fine. laura says she would give me a ride to new carollton if megan left. i said fine, but then megan yelled at me "YVONNE U COMING?".....umm, so at this point, i'm like, "here we go"....i'm like "i'm not going to say anything" but my mouth never stays shut for long.

put stuff in the car, ride out....i called my father....she gets a call from lord knows who, and she's all pissy to the person on the phone, saying that she doesn't want to talk to them. still silence in the car. the person calls again, and i'm annoyed like thinking to myself "why the fuck did u pick the phone up again if u dont want to talk to them, genius"...so i ask "who is that?"

she snaps back "shutup"
wait caps lock "SHUTUP"...

*scoobydoo sound* in my head i'm thinking "i know this bitch is not talking to me....."

that's when i kirk....cuz no one yells at me....and i start telling her about her funky ass attitude that day....i tell her take me to the station...FINE

get to the station she says

"get the fuck out"

i said no, cuz i don't like it when things end unresolved....i'm rational...lets talk. she doesn't want to talk.

she says "if u dont know me by now, then u'll never know me"

ummm.....ok if she was referring to the fact that i shouldn't bother her when she's pissy, then UMM I KNOW that fact about her...so maybe there's something vonney does NOT know....whatever the case, i kept telling her about herself.

i'm not going to come to your games if FIRST OF ALL

1) U DONT INVITE ME AND I HAVE TO FIND OUT ABOUT THEM FROM OTHER PEOPLE...IF U DONT WANT ME TO COME THEN FINE! yvonne has other shit to do. for instance, i'm looking at about two hours of statistics and i put that off. i coulda hit that first bus outta school like i did on tuesday. 3:00 i coulda been out the door, but i was at her game. then SHE HAD THE NERVE to insinuate that i was using her for a ride. if i NEED a ride, then i'll ask....if i don't and she offers that's fucking fine. but don't try to hint that u think i'm begging your ass for shit. cuz that's not the case. for someone who always talked about feeling unsupported at her games, she's not taking advantage of the fact that she finally has someone that's willing to do just that.

so basically i said if she was gonna act pissy everytime she didn't play....then i didn't want to come to anymore games,and that's the truth. i'm not supporting someone with a pissy ass attitude, and thinks they're so fucking wonderful that she expects to play every game. give me a fucking break.

2.) this chick said not to call her and she looked me dead in the eyes and said

"It's over"....she looked like she meant it. maybe she was sincere about not wanting to be with me. i guess i've been that bad to her ass. i guess i've been a terrible girlfriend. i guess i was being unsupportive for telling her about her ass. i guess i was "using" her as she called it. i guess she doesn't want to be with me anymore. she told me to get out and sped off. ok. was i hurt?

tremendously.

that's what i get for coming out and cheering? that's what i get for trying to be there? and that's what i get for not holding my tongue? ok. fine. how does a year and a half relationship end so abruptly like that? over some stupid shit. before i left the car i looked her ass in the eyes and told her i was the best thing that ever happened to her. maybe she'll find someone who'll do her better than i did. since she's so sure that she doesn't want to be with me. but vonney doesn't have time for stupid ass temper tantrums.

i still want to be with her. i love her to death. if she meant what she meant then she wont call and we'll go on walking by each other in the hallways without saying a word. she can go fuck as many bitches as she wants to make up for me....cuz she fucking cant. i'm yvonne. she's megan. and that's as simple as that. she's going to have to step up to the plate and say sorry if she wants me back. otherwise, she ended it on her terms. i hope she's happy with her choice. maybe she'll realize that she fucked up a good thing by being truly irrational.

ok, so the new thing is the man...mr lavell golden saying that my internship starts the seventh of june and ends on july sixteenth? wtf? umerah yea, he fucking with the money.....i cant work those days cuz i leave the fifth of june and come back on the ninteeth...PLUS melanie's mother said i could work till whenver....mr. golden is fucking with the money, as i stated again...PLUS i cant never get in touch with his ass.....BITCH....umerah anyway, melanie, i cant take this pressure...first it was that fat lady with the gold tooth, now it's this....WTF? yea i'm spazzing.....

i'm spent.

sigh. new day, new set of problems, you would think. no, it's the same old shit.

awhhhhhhhhat. why is kay IMMIng me this song she wrote. mmk.

thanks 2 rachel and suprisingly- KAY....for helping me keep my sanity these past couple of days, especially last night. rachel called me right when i was on the cusp of some zzzzzzzzzz's. i didn't even give myself time to look at the ID cuz i just picked it up. that was the best conversation we had in a long time....and i was lonely, so i was waiting for someone to talk to. hadn't had a meaningful conversation in DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYS since my girl wants to evince no signs of communication at all. damn her.

me and rachel took it back to middle SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!! and we laughed and laughed and laughed. so i really appreciated that she was there for me.

while we were on the phone, kay called me on the other line....i think me and rachel talked for like two or three hours....so i called kay back at 2 something and she was SAD of course, cuz she stays dealing with these chicks that don't do her any good (shutup dana).....so she's always calling me,and wanting me to console her. and so i did last night. gave the routine "pep talk"....then after she was done with her sob stories i started making her laugh. talking bout my day and how black people get when the weather gets above 80 (more observations on that below)....we talked for a good two hours without arguing, which was cool. haven't talked like that in a while, and we wont be talking like that FOR a while, cuz i know how we are. the nature of our relationship was rather volatile while we did talk last year, but obviously, there was SOMETHING that made me keep talking to her. i forgot she can be sweet and funny and all that good stuff. so a special thanks to kay for cheering me up yesterday.

iight. so black folks, what is wrong with us?

MY GOD black folks was out in FULL fucking effect yesterday? i don't know why i didn't write this in my blog yesterday, the crazo's were just doing the damn thing. as soon as we get a lil sunshine and some heat, black people don't know what to do with themselves. see that's why i like white people. when it breaks sixty, suzie and bob, go on ahead and put on their shorts and their flipflops/jesus sandals, and they just real chill. they take their dog to the park and throw the frisbee, and eat a nice picnic consisting of egg salad on toasted bread.

but not black people. first of all, we don't consider it shorts weather until the thermostat reach 80. second of all, it's like we're roaches coming out in swarms when that first day of good weather comes. when it gets warm, the entrepeneur comes out in us. I WENT TO THE SHOPPERS...to get some groceries. it looked like the straigh FLEA market in the parking lot. AWHHHHHHHHAT. u know when the incense man set up a table, things is getting serious. then, u got a man with a rack and these hangers, selling "girbaud and hobo shirts"...but not when it says fruit of the loom on the tag sir? i'm so sorry. then next to him, we got a man selling...socks. of all things? i don't know....but u know it's really hot when u got the man selling bushels of crabs like it's july. bitch it's april, get a fucking life. i aint eating no bushels of crabs in april. Then of course it's the bbq who sells bbq my the exon parking lot? don't ask. then it's always that one dude thats selling big ass tweety birds and COMFORTERS with pee stains. i mean they don't even TRY to clean them thangs...they don't even put them in the original plastic bags. they just give them to u. then we got the man who sells mattresses out the back of this white truck. and he got the nerve to spell mattress wrong. AWWWWWWWWAT. i cant take living with black folk no more. i really cant.

*pimp laugh* i'll holla.

10:32 and it smells like smoked neckbones in my house. nothing like the smell of random pig parts to get you going. sigh. i don't know what's wrong with me.

i'm not horny. i'm not hungry. i'm not tired.

i know what it is, it's boredom. it gets me everytime. u know i'm bored when i write more than two entries a day.

well, now that i'm on, i can tell u more about my nonadventure this afternoon. seems vonney boo has a new knack for losing shit these days. it started like two weeks ago when i lost twenty dollars and my ladybug purse. then, last week, megan gave me her softball chain to hold, and i lost that. luckily, when she came over, she found it. my dumb ass knocked it over and it was hanging from the toilet tissue roll...of all fucking places. i mean, i USE toilet tissue....i just didn't see the damn thing hanging there. ANYWAY....today....

after i left pentagon city, i figured i'd go hit up dupont, and then g-town. fine....i had my all day pass with me (by the way, all day passes are six fucking dollars....that's alot of money...and i was planning on making good use out of it.).....i realized i didn't have it anymore when i sat down on the red line train. now, initially, i got that panic knot in my stomach, then i realized, "what the fuck are they going to do? keep me in the metro station?". so i went up to the station manager at dupont and told her my situation. she let me go through the gate.

when i exited the station, it was BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so damn pretty! the day was gorgeous...so of course, i checked out the park first. never seen so many white people trying to crowd on a few patches of grass in my life. so i decided to hit up lambda rising and look for books even though i didn't have any money. I NEVER HAVE ANY MONEY. lol. there's a new book about audre lorde. hmm....and there's this anthology of black lesbian writing called "afrekete".....also on my wish list. maybe when i start working?????? possibly. i really went inside the store to get the blade, which is DC's premier gay issues newspaper....they were out so i had to hit up this other store on connecticut ave. i scooped the most recent issue and headed back to the circle to see if i could contend with the bums for a space on the benches.

sat down, and proceeded to read my blade, but i couldn't help do my people watching thing again. i think my gaydar is getting sharper and sharper everyday. i can smell gay people, i swear to god! and of course dupont is SWARMING with them, so vonneyboo was in heaven. sigh. sat there for about an hour and a half...dc is a funny city. all i know is that this man was sitting there strumming his guitar/drinking starbucks coffee and he kept getting harassed by random people, asking him if he could play a "number" for them. last time i checked he was chillin on the grass, tryna get his meditation/quiet time on. just cuz he left his case open don't mean he want extra change.

then u got white men on rollerblades who give their dogs designer water....cuz "astro" (that was the dog's name, i swear) doesn't "do" tap....WHAAAAAAAAAAT!....

i love it...i headed home of course. addision rd, is a world away from dupont circle but whatever. i get to my bus stop and i'm not sure if it's a girl or a little boy sitting next to me eating this subway sandwich. and the thing gets on the phone and i'm still not sure cuz the voice sounds like a little boy. next thing u know, this other dom and her girl come walking out the woodoworks, and greet this thing sitting next to me. at that point, i'm still not sure. previously, i stated i could smell gay people..well i dont know what that was sitting beside me....for real. then all u know is this black car flies past the kiss and ride drop off area and a person sticks their head out the window and yells "u a hoe!" A WHAAAAAAAAAAT!....so i'm sitting there like "wtf? 2004 middle school dyke convention...."...then i proceeded to text dana....all of a sudden, these two girls come outta nowhere...one of them sits on the thing's lap next to me, and they start slobbering...all u here is "dyke ass bitches".....and my suspicions are confirmed....the thing is really a little girl. but she was two and a half tho. WHAT is really going on. can vonney boo be disgusted? i don't give a fuck that they were like negative five...i do give a fuck that they was slobbering so much, that i swear i saw some shiny stuff on my arm. and that AINT Right!. mmk.

NEway, i'm bout to be fat and eat this klondike bar. then i'm gonna go see if megan has attempted to communicate with me. she's fucking up. but this aint nothing new. it's an everyday occurance.

*pimp laugh* i'll holla.

yea my feet hurt real bad.

and i'm tired of everyone trying to be "deep."

righteous.

down.

i got two words for your phony ass...

nigga please.

went out today. mostly a day of people watching. hit up pentagon city and tried on "my" prom dress for the third time already. i really need to put a down payment on it or something, cuz i am one sorry sista. lol. this is the life of a po' gal. just struggling to make a dolla.

i love pentagon city, because it reminds me of how fucking poor i am. and it makes me excited cuz i can actually shop there when i get some money. saw this nice getup at j. crew....aaaaaaa....fell in love. that's how u gotta dress at washington and lee. j. crew oxford shirts with your collar popped. lol. maybe i'll buy and izod golfs shirt and rock it with some jeans and flip flops, cuz that's the new thing.

visiting my school on wednesday and i'm not too excited about it. shouldn't i be tho? well i'm not, and my father doesn't even notice. he is just so excited for me, and i'm like "damn fool" cant u see that i don't want to go? geezus.

daddy's home...yea we gotta go do these groceries BITCH.

*pimp laugh* i'll holla.

A WHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!!!

"this morning, i woke up, feeling brand new, i jumped up...."

not necessarily.

this morning, the right side of my body just feels really swollen....maybe i slept on it the wrong way. whatever the case, i feel far from brand new. i need a massage to release this tension. the funny thing is that my left side feels wonderful, but my right side feels like shit. whatever.

rachel sent me her senior personality pics yesterday. for the most part i liked them, cept for the one in the red silk shirt. that gq shit got to go lol. kinda reminded me of zoolander. lol. but i love her anyway. she said that she wasn't able to go out today because she had no way to get to the station. she wants to live all the way out in west bubblefuck and her station is franconia springfield. A WHHHHHHHHHHAT. so her parents are going hiking in the shenendoah this weekend so, our lil meeting has been cancelled.

nika boo said she had to work till twelve so...that means if i wanted to go out with her, our mission wouldn't start till three. i'm not down for that when i'm on that seven o'clock bus mission. damn i need some friends who drive. megan just doesn't count. i'm talking about the REST of my friends. melanie drives but her parents are anal about her driving other people around. mmk, so what's the point in having a car? i just need my license GOD....i just need my piece of plastic independence. shit.

megan is pissing me off. but to the readers of the blog, that shit aint nothing new. i'm hoping that her phone is broken, or she can come up with a viable excuse for not even sending me a text message while she's been away on her trip. ok, i'm fine with the fact that she hasn't called me, cuz maybe her phone is on roaming (despite the fact that every school i've visited, or every trip i've gone on, i've always called her at least ONCE)....even if i don't call her, i text message her every night. her fingers better be broken, cuz i don't like being ignored. she gonna make me have to call her outta her name. i'm not going to do it in writing tho. cuz she gets all pissy if i do. whatever.

it's going to be a lovely day today..."i cant wait, cant wait...." im thinking i should go to g-town and walk around...then maybe chill at dupont.....something to do. if i go to the movies, then i'm going to see "the alamo"...sounds like fun, eh? not really, but i HAVE to get out of the damn house. i think my feet are growing carpet, and that shit aint hardly sexy lol. A WHAT??????? lol. anyway, gtg.

*pimp laugh* i'll holla.

erased...

spring break sucks. it does every year, so why did i try to kid myself this time?

nika boo, i've been trying to get in touch with you all day...either u had to work, or your family just didn't give you the messages that i called twice. OR maybe you're ignoring me. whatever the case, i still want to go out either tomorrow or saturday. it's going to be all bright and nice and sunny on saturday. hope you're not slaving and growing fungi on your arm.

dana called me today from NYC of all places. crack heads galore at the port authority bus terminal. i fucking love it. she called duane read a bootleg cvs. lol.

i made spaghetti today. yum. it is acutally a pretty nice day. sunnier than compared to the rest of the month. this april has been excessively rainy. or is it that EVERY april is excessively rainy, and i just don't remember the last one when the current one swings around? who knows, who cares?

as of late, been talking to rachel more often. after all these years, i'm suprised that she's still convinced there COULD be something between us. of course, i've never given it the opportunity to grow, and i honestly don't know. i'm attracted to her, but...i dunno. she figures me out too well, and i don't think i like that. she's so comfortable with me, that it's almost like, it makes ME uncomfortable. weird, but i just can't explain it at all. anyway, last night she left a message on my phone, saying that mailed me some pictures of herself. i don't remember the last time i saw a recent picture of her. sigh. pooped.

i let the phone ring, and ring, and ring last night. i guess it's a bit of what i like to call "wallowing in my own fucking depression"...it's not that i was really depressed, but there's just nothing to do BUT think. and then megan, even though her foolish ass KNOWS that i'm bitter about not going to atlanta, insisted on calling me yesterday and rant about packing and shit. she's lucky she wasn't next to me, or my hand woulda done that reflex shit, and headed straigh upside her head. i swear i don't understand that girl sometimes. THEN, she insists on calling me on the bus...so let's get this straight. i've been sitting at home all day long, watching the same episode of "driven:pamela anderson" on VH1 like ten times....lonely and bored. and she has the nerve to call me while everyone is talking and having a good time in the background. how thoughtful of her. she would have been better off sending a text message. oh wait she did, but who cares.

my eye itches right now. dont know why, and my sinuses have been off the fucking hook. go figure. maybe it's allergies. maybe it's the fact that i keep my bedroom window open rain or shine. whatever.

hmm, krystin been ignoring me. not suprising. oh well.

my foot is cold and there's a bug looking at me.

i'm not excited about the weeks to come. to much work, too much stress. school is winding down, but i'm not even excited about the school i'm going to. i mean W&L is a good school, no doubt. it was ranked the number 15 liberal arts schools in the country. that's fucking tight. BUT, what about notre dame, and wellesley. i swear, wellesley has been stalking me straight for the past three weeks. they want me BADLY. i hate thinking about the "coulda, shoulda and woulda"...it all stems from REGRET. and no one wants to regret anything in their life. but what if i made one of the biggest mistakes of my life? shit. only time will tell. in the meantime, i'll just sit and think about all the good times i coulda had at Notre Dame...or what it woulda been like to be a Wellesley woman. shit. shit shit shit.

i need to go eat some sliced peaches.

*pimp laugh* i'll holla.

"my feet are strong!"- Tyrone the crackhead from the Dave Chappelle Show, during the "Fear Factor Skit" when Tyrone was asked to walk across hot coals...

A WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT

i seriously think i spend too much time watching that show...but it's so fucking ingeniously funny, that i just cant help it. who doesn't want to see a black man make gratuitous use of the word bitch and get away with it....oh wait, i hear that everyday...but he does it so comically!

the boredom has begun. i actually woke up this morning on a mission to do work. has any of it gotten done yet? welp *scratching chin*...no...but at least i had the intent. that's the first step...and as cedric said in Barbershop 2 "u gotta take baby steps"

sigh. i need a food fix. i'm actually not starving *when am i ever*, but i might just be compelled to eat that chef crapardee in the pantry if push comes to shove...cuz i'm too lazy to walk to mcdonalds, and what's the use of burning the calories that i'm going to put on twicefold again. i love my life. i miss dana and anika. NIKA! let's go out this weekend! geezus. that's why u got the rash on ya arm from the dishwater. wait...let's not go out this weekend. cuz what if u give that moss/fungi on ya arm to me. that's OK.

lol.

"i see the memories replayed, same space, same place...same bodies baby..."...

megan's leaving for orlando today. i think i'll get over it ONLY if she brings me back mickey mouse ears and takes a picture of mickey. it's going to be nice down there too. oh well. i'm stuck in bumfuck with the rest of these dc bammas. i need a drink. something strong, like tyrone's feet.

called that bamma at DOT and he's STILL not picking up his phone. yea, i don't appreciate that, so i'm going to let it go. he better call me back, cuz now, as fred and choppa would say "he fuckin wit' da money."

hmm, i think there are fruit loops upstairs. they are SOOO calling my name.

*pimp laugh*...i'll holla.

ALICIA KEYS is THE FUCKING TRUTH!!!!

ok, so folks, going into it, i was kinda kinda skeptical about the whole thing? is this a. keys chick really all that melanie cracks her up to be....i mean, damn, i know she looks good, but can she deliver a sick performance?

well, my questions were definitely answered tonite. the ladies first tour was off the hook if i do say so myself. started off with tamia opening...she did a little medley of her songs...that girl can sing so i give her props. then there was missy. oh missy, what can i say about her. first of all, i'm not too much into rap. i know a few of her songs, so that was cool, but for the most part, she kept yelling into the mic. my ear drums were definitely blown away. plus, i'm not feeling her current album too much. so, fast forward. it takes like fifty minutes to deconstruct her set and put alicia's up. fine. we sit there and watch, and the curtain comes down.....goodness gracious this woman is too damn fine. she had individual braids in her hair, a yellow and black corset, a black bra, and these black satin pants....damn.....can i say this she's has some HIPS on her. and some thick ass thighs. i think i'm going to have a nice wet dream about this woman tonite! DAMN. plus to make things worse, her voice was raspy from singing. but she was SINGING!

every note was on point. she can play the piano, her voice is beautiful, she's beautiful, and she put on a wonderful performance that got the crowd going. she is going to be such a legend. i cant say enough wonderful things about her. so of course, i was sad when her set ended.

and then there was beyonce. beyonce, beyonce, beyonce. two words for her ass.

whomp whomp. that was the worst trash i've ever seen. CLEARLY IMMA NEED her NOT to recycle destiny's child songs and call it a show, because i can do that in my own house for free. umerah, i hope that michelle and kelly are collecting royalties for that shit. cuz beyonce is up on stage, faking like it's her own. another whomp goes to the fact that she wanted to change her outfit like every five minutes, and her dancers were on stage longer than she was....wtf? she was done when she cut speechless, a six minute song, short......ummm speechless got like two minutes.....wtf? beyonce was done. and it was a shame that alicia keys just didn't go last. she would have closed the show out with a bang.

hmm....ok, so now that i told u what was happening ON stage...lets talk about what was going on OFF stage...

dc, dc, dc....why? that's the only question. why?

u KNOW it's a DC event when the faggies come out full force. vonney boo proclaims 2004, the year of the faggie, because it was not all about the doms. it was about the faggies. faggies EVERY FUCKING where. faggies with tassles, and nipples showing. faggies with pink wigs. faggies from "the hotel party" (dana and anika know wasup).....faggies with fishnet shirts...faggies with yellow pumps.....WHAT....the new things is "THREE QUEENS ON THE BIG SCREEN!"....WHAT cuz when beyonce was like, "where all my independent women?" u just see this shot of these three queens repping, like she was talking to them...and that's when vonney boo hung her head in utter dismay....what is this world, coming to?

then we got all the women who want to look alike...if i see ANOTHER fucking lime green pump, i will commit suicide...then we got men with mesh muscle shirts and wife beaters, with cowboy boots.....we got emaciated doms...we got white men dancing to go go at the wpgc booth....we got old men with balding gray cornrows.....i cant take the pressure...

i cant write anymore about the atrocities....wait, the monstrocities, i saw at this damn concert. therefore, i'm spent, and i need a food break. holla at me later. peace. i'm tryna get this porkchop. what u think of that!

anika called me last night. FINALLY!!!!!! gee wiz...but the new thing is, "what's the difference between hunan and schezuan?"

hmm me and megan drove to arundel mills yesterday.....it was nice...and off broadway shoes is my new store....SHOES GALORE!!!!!!! gee friggin wiz!.....

TODAY IS THE ALICIA KEYS CONCERT!!!!!!! AWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAT!

this is the first official concert i've ever been to. and guess who's really excited about going? ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"i cant wait, cant wait..."

it's a dreary day, but oh well....april shower bring may flowers....spring is in the air!...i fucking love it!

edited for content

Krysin says:

"Hmm okay...she KNEW that I had her back when she would get up here but she claimed money issues. Is that a lie, or a cover up. Nonetheless its shady minus 5 points. She KNEW she wouldnt feel comfortable or at least she thought that but she never brought it to my attention. In any form, email or the phone thru Dana (since she IS the messenger now hehe) for that minus 5 points. Minus 50 just for the fact I am a disgruntled soul rite now and minus 1000 because I feel like I got smashed to the ground. Gee wiz. So overall thats minus umm *calculating* 23984371211.0093 E ^5. Two thumbs way way down. Now I guess Im partially to blame also because I didnt take the initiative (sp) to find out the deal but O WAIT yes I did...couple times. So maybe I was in the wrong for becoming upset O WAIT i never get upset with her...even in that moment when SHE decided not to speak to me. I was quite frustrated but I wasnt mad. (do you sense some hostility forming??) LOL she says maybe she is "trying to wear my patience thin" but believe me (directly speaking to yvonne now) my patience has been worn. Worn out like the souls of a shoe. Its gone, done , le fin, whatever you want to say. Yes i'm dealing with other things right now but i still have sense enough to recognize when something actually isnt right and this is one of those situations. You know how I feel about randomness like this...not in my Likes list (since we all are a BP page now). My biggest flaw to you was allowing you to believe I was __ age. So what am I doing?? What am I doing that you feel it necessary to act this way towards me. Yea we get along well, that is when you give me the time of day or decide you arent going into hiatus. Im not trying to fuss you out but that seems to be the direction of which Im going. Im tired my eyes are drooping, I'm fed up with this and that and you are falling into the That category. So wtf. WTF?!?!!? You know me...you've known me for a year now (rounded i suppose), you know I only take so much before I implode and explode all at the same damn time. And you just picked the wrong time in my life to do something trivial. So with that said in conclusion...

Its the 04...Krystin is gettin up there in age. well not really but hey. Certain things Im not dealing with anymore. you get my drift?? I'll see you..."


and Yvonne deserves it...so i'm an asshole...sigh. an asshole who chooses to continue to be one. anyone see something wrong with that?

NIKA BOO...miss u too....but i CALLED u like two days ago...that's what u get for having your entire family pick up the phone at the same time....maybe we'll go out during spring BREAK!!!!! woo hoo.

i need to eat. peace!

hmmm.....my head hurts, and i'm physically TIRED!....sometimes, i roll out of bed and i dont know HOW i do it.....four thirty, or five every morning....is that shit fair? i don't think so but i do it anyway. why complain? no one hears me anyway. just keep pressing on.

called the whole shebang off with krystin the other day.

*analyzing myself*

i'm such a random person. maybe, i'm just selfish. yea, it's probably that. and when krystin blew me up in her blog, i felt bad. well, i've already felt bad about calling it off, but now i feel even worse. the last time we saw each other was august 16th, and about a month and half after that day, we didn't speak. the day didn't go down too well either. i think i was being shady that day. but isn't that an everyday occurence for me, as some people would say. i could understand if my standing with her isn't too strong. i don't have patience, so i would been like "fuck yvonne" by now, if i was her. maybe i'm trying to wear her patience out with me. i don't know.

i told her i couldn't come up there because of money issues. AND i knew that if i went up there, she woulda made sure that i wasn't without what i needed. even if i needed money to get back on the train (which is really cheap anyway), she woulda made sure that i had that. there was no question about that. but then i gave her the "i have a bad feeling" thing. and in a way i do. her and crystal, get in this zone when they're together. not saying it's a bad zone...but they have a history, and inside jokes....and blah blah blah....then they were talking about bringing random people....there wouldn't be a problem with that if they both didn't know these random people. but they do, and i dont...and i could see myself being a fourth wheel really quickly. i'm a quiet person to being with....but add an element like that and i pretty much don't say anything. honestly, sometimes when me, dana, and anika go out, i feel like the third wheel. i just poke my head between them sometimes, we laugh, and that's it. ....sigh. i don't know why i do this to krystin. i really don't. *scratching my head* i need a drink.

spring break starts at 1:30 today. and i'm not excited...at all. i'm down to my last 5 dollars. and i lost my ladybug purse which had 20 dollars in it. and i NEVER lose money. plus I REALLY liked that lady bug pouch. dana gave it to me, and i cherish it. now it's gone and i'm depressed about that. the band is going to orlando for $365 next week...and CONCERT CHOIR paid $350 to go to NYC in february when it was COLD as shit outside...NYC sucked ass...and i want to go to disney world...boo fucking hoo....i don't know if i'm going to prom. i have no money. i'm broke. tomorrow, i'm going to lay in bed and wallow in my depression. just the thing i need to start my spring break off. i fucking love it.

"i'll be your groupie baby, cuz u are my superstar, i'm your number one fan, give me your autograph, sign it right here on my heart..."....

Usher is just REALLY damn tight...

mmk...so my sex drive has really been on OVERDRIVE! yellow string bikini's and dressing rooms...the life i live is incredibly hilarious.

this weekend has been quite unsuccessful, workwise. it seems that i'm doing less and less as the day goes by. the final ranks have been computed. so what the hell am i working for? when the final transcript is sent to washington and lee, it's not like they're going to see fourth quarter grades. hmm, so tomorrow, my sources and thesis are due for my research paper. english sucks ass, and i cant find criticisms for wuthering heights. that's the story of my life. i knew it was getting serious when i saw leeann @ the library trying to get her paper done too. this is the life that we're living as fourth quarter seniors. i love it.

ok, for the second time again, this CD is just really tight.

i'm so happy that my father is not taking vacation when i'm on spring break. i mean, just chilling with him on the weekends is truly enough for me. final four starts in five minutes. LSU and Tennessee. i love it. last night's matchups between the men seemed to be quite interesting. Uconn BARELY edged out duke, but duke IS GONE nonetheless. the men and the women. i just regret that duke's women were gone in the elite eight, before they had a chance to get whooped by UCONN. oh well, life goes on.

random sidenote: flatbread sandwiches from mcdonalds are LIKE THAT!.....but buying a large fries with it, kinda defeats the purpose of a low-fat alternative to the other meals. i swear i'm going to eat myself into oblivion.

krystin called me yesterday morning. so the plans for friday are pretty much revised. instead of her making it down to DC, it looks like i'm hitting up the MARC train to go up there. hopefully, crystal will come down with the "astrovan" as i like to call it....then we can cruise the city and find sisqo...then i can get his autograph......sigh. haven't seen krystin since august 16th. she came up and took me to a mystics, rockers game. memories. anyway, i need some food. i'm about to get some ravioli and tropical fruit salad.

and i'm gonna go listen to "URSHER"....i love it.

spread your wings...and prepare to fly, for u will become a butterfly...

i'm kinda mad they didn't play that yesterday at the senior retreat...sigh

tears, smiles, "memories past", all of the good times, all of the bad times...that's what the senior retreat was all about. despite the fact that it was a dreary, rainy day, the c/o 04, headed out the elizabeth seton parish in crofton, md. we were split up into random groups and i really appreciated that because i was in a group with people in my class who i dont normally talk to. despite that, it's nice that no one in our class has super beefs or anything like that. it was easy, laid back, and relaxing. it's nice to know that we have two months to go.

today was a blow....bored outta my mind, and procrastinating till tomorrow's trip to the library to start my wuthering heights outline. u know how i do. megan's family is starting to fuckk with my plans and i don't appreciate it.

"why be cordial?"

countdown begins till alicia...

seven days..."i cant wait, cant wait"

Uconn and minnesota tomorrow in the final four....

and of course LSU and Tennessee

folks to watch...

Lindsay Whalen - Minnesota
Seimone Augustus- LSU
AND OF COURSE
Diana Tarausi- UCONN

love ya...toodles